Author Archives: Mistress Ayn

Chronicles of chaste slave – #4 – The emotional transformation and control – by slaveboy

i am becoming aware that every command has its own powerful control over me. While Mistress Ayn’s orders may sound sweet and caring (chastity freedom), Her commands have a powerful and sadistic edge (no touching, no orgasms). Whether ordered to orgasm multiple times throughout the day or within a limited time upon command, to orgasm but ruin it, to edge for longer periods but not orgasm, to remain in chastity indefinitely, or to be released from chastity but refrain from any stroking.

Paradoxically i desperately want to orgasm and feel pleasure, yet also desire the comfort and security of chastity (realizing that I have spent 98% during the past few months in chastity – that has become my “new normal”). This is both an exhilarating and a frightening life existence as Mistress Ayn’s chaste slave. She has my head spinning and my emotions in chaos and the only option i consider is complete surrender to Her, to trust Her, and obediently follow Her commands.

My emotions swing widely. There is the excitement at experiencing this new chapter in the journey of my life and a sense of correctness with having Mistress Ayn in complete control of Her cock, waking each day and reminded throughout the day that Her cock is securely caged. There also is a growing fear of not fully understanding what i have gotten myself into and an utter helplessness of loyally following Mistress Ayn’s orders (all while i have the key but cannot convince myself to playfully abuse Her cock during maintenance times or release Her cock unless instructed).

i also have been pondering my lesson learned — never, ever, ever displease your Mistress.  i know Mistress Ayn is strict with me since that is how i am learning and the only way to undo all those years of control, power, and a lack of total respect for Women. i need the discipline — wish Mistress Ayn could see it in person — and the control She exerts. i wish i could express how truly happy i am with Mistress Ayn as my Keyholder. i am thriving being Her slaveboy – both in person at the Femdom Mansion and virtually via emailed commands and chastity sentences.

Installment #3 – The holidays as Mistress Ayn’s chaste slave – by slaveboy

To celebrate the holidays, Mistress Ayn permitted me out of chastity on Christmas Eve and Day but not allowed to touch Her cock – two days of freedom but not really. i could feel Her cock and balls dangle freely but that only made the urge to stroke more intense. This was a true test of my obedience to Mistress Ayn. After Christmas, back in the chastity cage.

On New Year’s Eve, after two weeks of nearly consistent chastity, i was permitted a one-hour edging session near the stroke of midnight. While i appreciated the opportunity for release, i was ready to orgasm almost immediately but knew to not orgasm early. A full 60 minutes later, i “recycled” the discharge from my powerful orgasm and Her cock was back in Her cage to greet the New Year.

Will 2019 be any different as Mistress Ayn’s chaste slave? In Her New Year’s Eve email, Mistress Ayn said: “Have a nice powerful orgasm, knowing that it is the last one of 2018 and possibly the last one ever.” “Who knows what the New Year will bring?” “I’m just laughing thinking about how much you are going to want the next orgasm – which may never happen.” “The New Year’s Eve orgasm may be your last orgasm ever.” These words resonate with me each day in 2019.

It is clear that being Mistress Ayn’s chaste slave requires a deeper commitment than i first imagined, but one i am willing to make. While Mistress Ayn was a bit hesitant at being my Keyholder, i did not expect Her to become so comfortable and creative in this role. Chastity control appears to be something long term for Mistress Ayn and She enjoys using the term “indefinite chastity.” Her control through chastity is requiring me to better integrate chastity, mentally and physically, into my otherwise vanilla life.