Category Archives: Miscellaneous Musings

Perfect Self-administered Ruined Orgasm

 

The Submissive Male’s Guide to the Perfect Self-administered Ruined Orgasm

A ruined orgasm for a submissive male is one of the most intensely pleasurable, toe-curling, sweat-inducing, back-arching, fist-clenching, teeth-gnashing, brain-bending endeavors a submissive male can experience to drive him into an animal sexual frenzy.  One of the biggest misconceptions about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined.”  It sounds like torture or something a submissive male might do to himself only for punishment.  But, it could be a way to experience ecstasy, delight and have one of the biggest and best orgasms he has ever had in his entire life.

The name is misleading in that a properly ruined orgasm is STILL an orgasm!  Yet, it does feel profoundly different to the submissive male, but it still feels great, yet in a different way than a normal orgasm.  The perfect ruined orgasm is a special kind of climax, achieved in a very specific way that triggers a different sequence of physical, emotional, and hormonal reactions in the submissive male’s body.  To a male accustomed to and expecting normal orgasms, the sudden surprise of new and different sensations might be confusing in his hyper-aroused brain by causing unexpected disappointment. The submissive male is expecting one thing – a powerful climax, but at the last second, he gets something different.  A ruined orgasm does not tell the submissive male’s brain to release any of the hormones associated with the post-orgasmic “afterglow,” such as prolactin and oxytocin. Dopamine levels remain elevated throughout the body. Instead of feeling sluggish and exhausted after an orgasm, the submissive male remains aroused and sexually frustrated after ruining the orgasm.   Rarely would a male ruin his own orgasm, but a submissive male, under the strict control or directions of a Mistress, different sensations and motivations occur.

There are a few important things that enable a submissive male to have a “perfect” (or as close to that as possible) ruined orgasm.

First, often associated with the perfect ruined orgasm is extended pleasure.   One possible path for the submissive male to take is to perform, possibly at the direction of a Mistress, repeated (four to six consecutive days), prolonged (from 15 to 30 minutes) stop-and-start stimulation.  This is commonly known as edging.  This seems to charge up the submissive male and his cock to a higher sensitivity and definitely a greater yearning for an orgasm, any orgasm.

Second, unlike a normal orgasm, with a ruined orgasm all stimulation stops as the ejaculation begins to build.  And this is the tricky part, the stroking of the cock toward an orgasmic explosion needs to terminate at a critical moment.  If you wait until the sperms starts its path through the urethra, it’s too late.  Stopping at the height of the build up but before you teeter over that edge is critical and this is where many would be “ruiners” fail, by stroking too long, either out of ignorance or lack of control.

To achieve a “perfect” ruined orgasm, keen attention must be given to the signals from the submissive male’s body, particularly as his stroking leads to what could be “THE” climactic end to the edging, but making sure to stop the stroking before the climax actually occurrs.  There is a critical point when more stroking would achieve orgasm.  It takes all of the submissive male’s willpower and desire to please his Mistress to submit and follow Her orders – when a ruined orgasm only is permitted.

The submissive male needs to train himself to give himself a perfect ruined orgasm.  He needs to know his body very, very well.  He needs to study his specific sequence of escalating physical pleasure signals, to identify the first possible moment in the sequence where he can let go and cause himself to still cascade through climax.  Arched back, tensed muscles, grunts, whimpers, pulsing cock, retracted balls–every submissive male has his signals.  Leaking pre-cum is an excellent signal for the submissive male to become aware of if hoping to achieve a ruined orgasm.  Instead of letting go “at the last second,” the submissive male actually wants to let go as early as possible.  He needs to hang, untouched, on the verge of climax, for as long as physically possible, before his body reflexively sends him over.  If done correctly, the perfect ruined orgasm results in his sperm to just dribble out, under weak contractions, if at all.  The submissive male should desire and seek to extend that “hangtime” just before ejaculation to be as long as possible.

Sadly, but understandable, the submissive male typically misjudges his own point-of-no-return.  It is probably long before he says it is.  The problem is he is in a mindless pleasure-trance when stroking toward orgasm.  The submissive male is not the most reliable person at that point but needs to train himself to become more sensitive and attentive to achieve the perfect self-administered ruined orgasm.

Ample loads of sperm may be released from the submissive male’s cock during a ruined orgasm, especially if not allowed to orgasm for an extended time, but not with the intensity of a normal orgasm.  If successful, the male’s sperm is only released through a dribbling out of the cock (not a powerful spurting like a normal orgasm) or by “forcing” the sperm out by firmly but gently squeezing the cock by forming a circle with his thumb and forefinger and running his two fingers from the base of his cock to the tip in a milking action.

Why is a ruined orgasm so special?  In a normal orgasm, the male hits his peak of pleasure, then comes crashing down in a wonderful, violent torrent of release, followed by an involuntary rest-and-recharge time called the “refractory period.”  He feels a warm, satisfying wash of hormones.  Then his cock goes limp and his entire body instinctively commands him to rest and recover.

In a ruined orgasm, the submissive male hits his peak of pleasure, tips just barely over the edge, but the violent crash is not triggered.  It is not triggered because the expected physical stimulation is absent.  Weak muscle contractions struggle to squeeze the cum from his body.  He feels an electric tremor throughout his body, distinctly different from the warm wash of a normal orgasm.  Importantly, the sense of satisfaction never triggers.  The submissive male had an orgasm and he unloaded some cum, but he feels “unfinished.”  Despite having released his load, the submissive male is exceptionally horny and frustrated, not exhausted and satisfied as with a normal orgasm, and is likely still erect.  While his balls are drained, he did not have the sensation of having an orgasm.

 

There may be many reasons why a submissive male would attempt to have the “perfect ruined orgasm.”

Some submissive males are turned on with this kind of play – the control exerted by a Mistress, the using of his cock for Her pleasure and not his, and the continued sexual frustration which does not occur after a normal orgasm.  The male remains as before the ruined orgasm, hanging on his Mistress’s every command, ready and willing to obey Her.

A ruined orgasm is different and something a male would not choose on his own.  As a submissive, the male relinquishes all control to his Mistress, She makes the decisions and orders him to do something that he likely would not have initiated.  A Mistress might allow Her submissive male the pleasure of a normal orgasm or may decide to have him endure a ruined orgasm – it is completely under Her control.

A ruined orgasm causes the submissive male to focus on pleasing his Mistress, not achieving his own pleasure.  As a true submissive, the male’s thoughts and actions should be about his Mistress, not himself.

Masturbation, something a male may do all too frequently before becoming submissive to his Mistress, would allow him total control – when to start, how long to stroke, when to finish, and how to finish.  The ruined orgasm is the quintessential giving up of control and trusting in his Mistress to make all of the decisions, especially on how to finish the stroking session.

Finally, prolonged chastity without any release can be problematic for a submissive male’s health.  A Mistress should be sensitive to that and a ruined orgasm serves to provide the submissive male with the medical benefits of draining his balls, while not providing him with the pleasure associated with a normal orgasm.  Like milking the prostate, the ruined orgasm is beneficial for the submissive male’s health.

Researched and written by slaveboy.  Assisted by sissy jennifer.

Ruined Orgasm - Mistress Ayn

 

Cuckold fantasy – making it real

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

 

The concept of being cuckolded is quite common among men.  I hear it a lot in My industry – men fantasizing about their wives being with other men.  I agree it’s a hot fantasy but in practice I advise against it.   So much can go wrong that can end up tearing a couple apart, but it doesn’t mean you can’t safely enjoy the fantasy.  It just takes effort and imagination.

While doing some distance training with a couple it was revealed that the man had a long held cuckold fantasy and that the wife was resistant.  I gave them My stock advice to keep it in the fantasy realm but I also coached them on how to enjoy the fantasy.  Good fantasy fulfilment often involves at least a little mindfuckery and that’s exactly what we did.  The wife set up the fantasy by informing her husband that she had met someone online (they had been trolling cuckold forums/sites) that she wanted to meet in person.  She explained that she would feel better meeting this person out for a drink to break the ice and that she wanted to go alone so she wouldn’t feel inhibited.

She made her husband help her pick out her outfit and get dressed for the date, all the while telling him how excited she was to meet this guy. He asked her questions about him, she answered.  They made it real.

Once she got to the bar, she checked in as agreed and throughout the evening she sent her husband provocative texts, often leaving his texts unanswered, letting him stew.  She then announced that she was going to get into the car with the guy because the bar had gotten crowded and she wanted to get a look at his cock.  She later texted him a photo of an nicely endowed penis that was obviously taken on a cell phone in a car.  The husband started to doubt that this was just a fantasy . . .

This byplay continued for 3 hours while the husband got more and more aroused.  In addition to arousal he had feelings of jealousy and concern.  All of this is part of the cuckold game.

When she arrived home, she told him all the juicy details of her encounter including having impromptu sex in the guy’s car.  But now she was ready to fuck her husband and have him reclaim what was his.  He was to get the bedroom ready while she changed.  During this time, she rubbed some of her husband’s cum (saved from a previous scene) on her pussy.  When she stipped down for him, she instructed him to clean the other man’s cum from her pussy with his mouth.  The sex that followed was described as “amazing” by them both.

With some effort and roleplay you can make most any fantasy realistic and safe.  I debriefed them both via Skype after the scene and the wife (who had never quite “gotten” the fantasy) said she was extremely aroused during the scene.  Knowing that she was pulling her husbands strings was a power trip and then seeing how excited he was when she returned home made her excited too.  It was a win win.

A review of this couple’s online BDSM training including reference to this cuckolding scene can be found on The Buzz.

**Note:  My opinions are My own and may not be shared by others.  I do not hold Myself out as an expert on cuckolding but I do live a polyamorous lifestyle.  Along the way I have encountered other poly couples, swingers, cucks, hotwives, etc and My opinions about cuckolding come from those experiences.

Stealing time – Don’t be “that guy”.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

As a professional Dominant the only thing I have for sale is My time.  Unfortunately too many want to steal it.  By stealing I mean:

  • Calling to discuss your kinks, ask questions that are available on My website or just chat.  I charge for those types of calls and have a NiteFlirt account set up just for this purpose.  I stopped answering My phone because 9 out of 10 callers are there to attempt to steal.
  • Emailing and requesting an extended session (Dommes are going to be really nice to you if you dangle a 3-4 hour session in front of them, right?) in the future and then attempting to ask questions, exchange photos, etc. leading up to that session – which probably will never happen.  That’s an old trick and most of Us are wise to it.
  • Setting up a session and then wanting to call to discuss the session in advance.
  • Wanting to DM on Twitter, Fetlife, Facebook and other social media.

An experienced Domme can spot these tricks a mile away and it’s one reason deposits have become so prevalent.  If you want a professional’s time, pay for it.  If you want to discuss the session prior, fine.  I will charge you for the call and if you follow through with the session in a timely manner I will apply half the fee to the session.  Most of Us do paid phone sessions, email exchanges and such in addition to real time sessions.  Just ask.  Don’t be “that” guy.

COVID-19, sessions and safety.

I am getting emails almost daily asking if I am still accepting sessions.  For now the answer is “yes”.  I am a relatively low volume Domme because My tribute is a little higher and My average session length is 2 hours, so I typically don’t see multiple subs per day – especially now.   Seeing a Domme is probably much safer than getting your haircut, going to the gym or even going to your grocery store.  The number of individuals using the facility daily is extremely small and our health consciousness and attention to detail is not something that we just adopted due to the virus.

Ironically a well kept Dungeon is one of the cleanest environments you can be in.  At Atlanta Dungeon our practice has always been to sterilize each piece of equipment after use and to disinfect all furniture you come in contact with during a session.  With COVID-19 our practices are even more strenuous and includes a wipe down of furniture both before and after your session along with disinfecting commonly touched surfaces like door knobs, faucet handles, etc. before and after each session.  Remember, our industry is used to protecting its clients from blood and fluid borne pathogens, so we always use hospital grade cleansers like CaviCide, Barbicide (dimethyl benzyl ammonium chloride), along with bleach and alcohol.

To help make sure I keep you and Myself safe, I am practicing “social distancing” outside of work.  I am no longer going to the gym, eating out or attending functions and am pretty much just staying home and going to the Dungeon as needed.  Obviously everyone has to make their own decisions when it comes to risks but I want My submissives to know that I have their safety as well as My own in the forefront of My mind.

We probably have some trying times ahead and a little stress relief will be needed by all.  If you don’t want or can’t do an in person session, I will be more accessible for phone and Skype sessions.

So if you need a little escape from the world ending, come and get your kink on.

Genuine black latex dress with metal spikes for sale – small/medium

I have been cleaning out My closet and have finally found something I can bear to part with.  This beautiful couture latex dress from HMSlatex of Paris needs a new home with a dominant woman that will appreciate it.  Here are the details:

Zipper back closure. Unstretched measurements: Underbust – 25 – moulded cup C/D,  Waist – 24,  Hips – 32.   As a general rule, the measurements of your latex need to be 2-3 inches smaller than your own to give you a great skin tight fit.

This latex has been properly stored, cared for and conditioned with Vivishine. Will be shipped in its storage bag (pictured).

This dress was close to $400 new and I am letting it go for $150 with free shipping.  Will accept Venmo or Cashapp.  Email me at ayn at mistressay.com prior to sending payment to make sure it is still available.

 

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