Category Archives: Miscellaneous Musings

So you think you wanna be a ProDomme?

During every financial downturn my inbox fills with requests to be trained as a Dominatrix.  For some reason when times are tough many ladies think that the adult industry is the place to turn, and it might be, but deciding to become a Dominatrix because whatever you are currently involved in isn’t working out may not be your best move.

First, ask yourself the following questions:

Do you enjoy kink in your personal life? Do you engage in BDSM personally?  Do you go to public Dungeons or attend kink events?  If the answer is “no” then you are probably looking at this profession purely as a means to make money and if that is the case, I can pretty much guarantee that you won’t last.  Dealing with other people’s kinky fantasies day in and day out is not for the non-kinkster.

Do you love men? I don’t mean just like or tolerate men, but truly love men?  If not, take a pass.  This profession is primarily about the male fantasy.  The idea that you get to abuse men for a living may be your fantasy but it is not reality.  If you can’t communicate with men, empathize with them, be confident around them and respect them, this is not the profession for you.

Are you a disciplined self starter? As a Dominatrix you are self employed.  There won’t be anyone there to tell you to answer your emails, place your ads, keep your social media up to date, participate in photo shoots, network with your peers, maintain communication with your clients, be on time and in general act like a professional.  It’s all on you.  If you could do all of the above, you could probably be successful in anything you chose.  Are you sure you want to put that kind of effort into this?

Are you working through issues? Trying to get a handle on personal problems like relationship drama, substance abuse, depression or anxiety does not mix well with the adult industry.  Unfortunately it seems to be the first place many people turn but confidence and inner strength are needed to survive and succeed here.  Otherwise it will exacerbate your issues and potentially chew you up.

The four questions above are just a start.  The hard truth is that it takes more than an attractive look and a leather corset to flourish and make a name for yourself in the industry.  Skill, empathy and professionalism are pre-requisites.

Do something you love.

That being said, if the above questions are not an issue for you, then being a Dominatrix may be the ideal profession.  Imagine doing something you truly love everyday and getting paid for it.  That’s how I feel.  I have done many things in my life and have been successful at most of them, but I have never done anything that I enjoy more than this.

My story:

I was introduced to FemDom by my significant other more than 20 years ago.   I went to clubs, read voraciously, hung around with lifestyle BDSMers and in general learned and tried everything I could, just for the experience – because I loved the kink.  In 2009 I decided to make a change in my career path and took my knowledge of BDSM (there were still gaps even after 10 years) and combined it with my corporate experience and marketing expertise.  I became a Dominatrix – but I still needed help.

Nothing in life is free and I didn’t expect other industry professionals to help me for free.  I still needed to know how the professional side of the industry worked.  How do you screen clients?  Where is the best place to do sessions?  Where do you advertise?  Etc, etc. So I sought out a mentor but I offered something in return.  After all, you are asking a seemingly successful person to train you and set you up so you can basically go into competition with them.  Why should they do that?

What do you have to offer?

So sit back and think about that for a minute.  How much do you need and what are you asking for?  Do you need to learn the FemDom scene from the ground up?  Do you just need some logistical information to get the business side of things started?  What is this knowledge worth and how do you intend to pay for it?  Will you offer an upfront consulting fee or one paid out over time?  Will you agree to rent space from the mentor if they offer such a service?  These are legitimate questions.  You need to have answers before you start knocking on doors.

If none of this has discouraged you, then follow you dream.  Me?  I no longer mentor.  I found it to be a thankless job that was unappreciated by most that sought my help.  But there are people out there that will help you if you are sincere and offer something in return.  If you want to take the time to email me, I can point you in the right direction.  I still recommend connecting with local scene people.  They can teach you much and even send you in the direction of those that may be able to help you further.  The more you know before you enter the arena of professional domination, the more equipped you will be for success.