Learning your place in the D/s relationship is a journey. Some subs take it seriously. Others don’t. The ones that get the most from their time with a chosen Domme are the subs that can “let go”. After all, the power exchange is what true D/s is all about. My gls (that’s the name I gave him and what it stands for will remain a secret between us) wrote a wonderful open letter about topping from the bottom several months ago and as he has continued to grow he wants to continue to share his epiphanies with others. Below is his follow up to “Topping from the Bottom”.
i have been mulling my thoughts over since i wrote “Topping from the Bottom,” which was part of an unrequested apology to Mistress Ayn for my unwillingness to truly accept Her Power over me, and to fully accept my submission to Her.
It was obvious to me that i had a lot more to learn, and understand about my obligations to Her, as well as understand both what She means to me, and what Her responsibilities are to me as my Mistress.
No matter when, there will be a time when we as subs finally realize and understand our place in the presence of Our/our Dominatrix. Many of us i believe, never get to understand what that really means. i believe that there are a lot of reasons for that.
Some subs initially date/partner/marry bossy women because they have a need to serve, but are still lost and confused with regard to Who they are really searching for.
Some subs, seek out prosti-dommes whose inexperience and greed can leave subs more confused and feeling worse about themselves than ever before. Thanks to the internet all subs now have the opportunity to find competent Professionals but not every Domme is suited to every sub, chemistry is still involved, and that makes the search for one’s Domme so much harder and the successful match up so much sweeter.
We have all read the research about how many escorts have regular clients who just want to talk before and after a “meeting.” There is a reason for this i imagine and it is that those clients have no one to just talk to who has no agenda to pursue, it is a business transaction.
It is not so simple for subs, we need Someone to talk to, to tell our deepest darkest secrets to, and then we want Them to accept us for who we are, and take us on a trip, that we have only ever been able to take in our fantasies. As they take us there They will reassure us on Our/our journey, telling and showing us that it is ok to go to that place, and afterwards they will bring us back safely. A Great Domme knows how to do this, and understands the value and importance of aftercare. Aftercare is time that the sub bonds with them and leaves the session feeling safe and secure.
i fought aftercare. It was too hard to accept what had gone on in session, my fantasies realized were too powerful for me to comprehend. When a fantasy remains a fantasy anyone can push that back into the “i really didn’t mean it” part of one’s brain. Once a Domme makes your fantasy real, there is no putting that fantasy back in the bottle – you are now facing a new reality that can be scary, disturbing and for many subs simply overwhelming, because someone else now knows.
The checklist that you complete before you see a Domme makes one “address and confess” these desires and fantasies and begin the sharing with another person. This is a soul-searching leap of faith and if the sub has found the wrong Domme things can go wrong fast, because the sub has now shared the “big secret” with Someone else, Someone in a position of power, and if the sub doesn’t have the feeling of being 100% safe, they can retreat and struggle with being a submissive.
This is important to understand because there is an enormous difference between “being submissive,” and “being a submissive.”
What happens next? Well in my case i have just given up trying to understand what happens next because the Domme/sub relationship has now moved to a higher level.
We all know the Hollywood stars who fly to see their psychiatrist, well the same thing happens when you have let go and given yourself to your special Mistress. There is only one true Mistress for you and this S/d relationship has changed because now when You/you both session, you are letting yourself be used to feed Your Mistress’s desire. I have now glimpsed this, had it whispered in my ear and understand the only thing i need to know is that i am now a player in a far greater scene, a scene that gives Her pleasure and meets Her needs. my pleasure will come from servitude, obedience and feeding Her needs and desires.
This brings us back to the checklist that you, the sub, filled out so many sessions ago. Now that you have truly passed yourself over to your Mistress , you have given Her Carte Blanche to fulfill Her needs. This doesn’t mean that if you stated no marks, that you will now return home striped like a Zebra, but if you were a greedy slut and checked off every box a fantasy review may be in order.
If you checked of you had a fantasy for ‘forced bi’ and every time your Mistress had ridden you or taken your mouth, She had whispered in your ear, “Would you suck a real one for me, or I want to take you to a gay club and make you service some boys, would you do that for me?” think carefully about the answer you checked off long ago.
If something feeds Your Dominatrix’s hunger, and you truly want to go there, you need to understand the ramifications of crossing over that bridge with Her. you are stepping into what i view as the highest level of a truly submissive relationship where the Domme uses you exclusively for Her pleasure.
It has taken me a long time and nearly spoiled a wonderful relationship with my Mistress while i fumbled and bumbled along , but now i have emotionally crossed that bridge with Her guidance, and trust that Her affection will lead me safely on the other side.
i hope that you all can find your bridge, cross it safely with your Mistress, and enjoy the other side.
Mistress Ayn’s gls.
I often tell people that a good BDSM session can be spiritual.. Many look at Me like I am crazy, but for those that have experienced it, you know what I mean. The ability to truly let go in session can open doorways in the mind that allow a mental processing that is not common in everyday life. It is not unusual for Me to hear feedback that a sub miraculously had a solution to a problem that had been troubling him or that it felt as if they had gone on a mini-vacation and now felt relaxed and renewed. Subspace is an altered state of mind and great things can happen in that altered state if you just allow it.
