Category Archives: Education

Passing out in a BDSM FemDom session

This is a topic no one seems to want to talk about but it’s a real concern in BDSM play.  Out of the thousands of hours of sessions I’ve been involved in I have had this happen maybe 15 times – so although it’s rare, it does happen.

BDSM play can be strenuous and intense but it isn’t always extreme situations that cause a submissive to faint or pass out.  When you lose consciousness it’s because the body is under stress and decides to shut down.  The combination of adrenaline and odd positioning that often accompany a session can be enough in itself to cause an event.  Throw in a little pain and the ante goes up.  The following are just some of the causes of fainting in session:

  • Lack of hydration
  • Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) – including Non-Diabetic Hypoglycemia
  • A sudden lowering of blood pressure (many causes including ED drugs, vasovagal stimulation from pain, etc.)
  • Extreme temperatures
  • Lack of blood flow
  • Underlying heart issues or circulatory issues

There are a plethora of factors that can contribute to fainting in session and it can happen to anyone, at any age, so heed the following precautions:

  • Hydrate well prior to a session.  In My experience lack of hydration is the #1 factor.   For longer sessions, bring water or a sports drink.
  • Avoid erectile dysfunction drugs like Cialis and Viagra.  I know it’s fun to have a raging hard-on in session but ED drugs lower blood pressure (see above) and if you are on alpha blockers or nitrate drugs this can make the effect worse and is dangerous.  If you do take ED drugs for a session, move slowly when changing positions, avoid positions of standing immobility and by all means inform your Domme.
  • Eat normally prior to a session.  I know some subs can get a “case of the nerves” prior to sessioning and have a loss of appetite, but coming to a session on an empty stomach could have you ending up on the floor.  Eat and drink normally at least 30 minutes prior to your session.
  • When placed in standing positions. like on the St. Andrews cross, don’t lock your knees.  It lowers circulation to the brain.
  • If you get overheated easily and you are going to be engaging in very physical play or even cross-dressing, ask that the room temperature is lowered.  An overly warm room can cause light-headedness and subsequent fainting in some subs.
  • Be honest in your dealings with your BDSM provider.  If you have ever been lightheaded, felt dizzy or lost consciousness in session, tell them up front.  Some subs are just more prone to this.  That way she can take the necessary precautions.  Be honest about medical conditions, your age, medications and other relevant information she requires.  If she chooses not to see you because of it, so be it.  It could be a disaster if she is unprepared to deal with your condition.
  • At the first sign of lightheadedness, dizziness or disorientation – tell your Top immediately so they can take the necessary measures to keep you safe.

Advice for Tops:

In my personal experience, ED drugs, CBT and the St. Andrews cross = a perfect storm.  One of the factors is lack of circulation due to locked knees and hands above the heart in this position.  Use extreme caution in this situation or avoid it all together if you are not familiar with the sub and his responses.  The good news is, most subs revive quickly once you lay them flat.  They may be disoriented for a few seconds and think they were out longer than they were, but it’s usually only for a few seconds.

If your sub loses consciousness, the most important thing is not to panic.  The biggest issue you have at this point is moving them safely to a prone position.  If they are on the cross, unhook the legs first and pull them out a bit so they don’t fall forward when you release their hands.  Have full weight release clamps on the wrist connectors.  Their full weight will be on their wrists and it will be difficult (if not impossible) to unclamp them without release clamps.  While releasing the wrists, push your shoulder into their torso to bear their weight the best you can and guide them to the floor.  The bigger the sub the harder they will fall and this can be a difficult maneuver to do on your own, but they must come down in order to wake up.

Once they are flat on the floor aid in circulation by propping their feet up above their heart.  As stated, most subs wake instantly, but it’s still a good idea to have them rest in this position for a while before trying to move.  Give them water to sip.  Simple sugars like juice or hard candy (always keep some candy in your play bag) are helpful in cases of insulin drop.   Most subs are able to rest for 5-10 minutes and want to continue the session but use your discretion as to whether to continue or not and if you do, keep them in sitting or lying positions.  Tables are best but I have never had an issue on a spanking bench either.

If your sub does not revive quickly or becomes incontinent this is not a good sign and it’s time to call emergency response.

Although I did have this post reviewed by a doctor/sub client, it is not meant to be all encompassing and if in doubt, always err on the side of caution.  

 

 

FAQ #27 – What is boot fetishism?

In My latest episode of Kink 101 I talk about boot fetish and boot domination.  If you have been curious about this fetish or just want to see My awesome boot collection, this video is for you.

FAQ #26 – May I take you to dinner?

Yes, you may!  Sometimes prospective subs want a face to face meeting prior to sessioning.  I understand that.  It prevents you scheduling a session with someone that turns out to look nothing like their photos.  It can help you establish if you have chemistry and are compatible.  It can also help a new sub get his nerve up to actually serve in session.

Established subs can also want to spend time with their Mistress outside of the Dungeon.  I understand that too and often the feeling is mutual.  Some of you are very interesting characters . . .

The tribute for such outings are as follows:

$100 – Cafe date – 30 minutes +/-  This might entail coffee or a meet for a drink.

$150 – Dinner – 1 hour +  A more leisurely affair with time to get to know each other, decompress after a session, etc.

Overnight sessions usually include dinner.

Shopping adventures are also possible and run anywhere from $100 to $150 per hour depending on time reserved and what items are purchased.

Chastity and the hormones connection

chasitity_cage

I love the idea of male chastity.  The practicalities are often a challenge and on this blog, you will find articles about chastity devices, experiences and so forth.  To add to the topic, I asked one of My sissy chastity subs to share his thoughts on hormones and their impact on chastity and vice versa.  Here are his fruits of his assignment:

My name is Sissy Jennifer and I am a chastity sub.  In my previous life, I did research on hormones—mostly estradiol and testosterone—so I am always talking to Mistress Ayn about the effects of hormones on my chastity.  Mistress Ayn asked me to write about hormones and chastity because she thought her blog readers might be interested.  Please note that what I wrote below applies to men, as the response of women to the same hormones may be different.

Although a myriad of hormones affects chastity, only three are of real importance.  The first hormone is dopamine or the “pleasure” hormone.  The intense pleasure associated with orgasm is caused by an extra burst of dopamine released in the brain.  High levels of dopamine are associated with well-being and a high libido. After an orgasm, dopamine levels drop dramatically, and it takes awhile for them to come back to normal.

The second hormone is prolactin or the “satiety” hormone.  Prolactin levels spike after an orgasm, and, in a sense, counteract high dopamine levels.  High prolactin levels are associated with lethargy, depression, and a low libido.  Like dopamine, it takes awhile for prolactin levels to decline back to normal. 

The release of prolactin isn’t good for relationships, so the body also produces a third hormone, oxytocin or the “cuddle” or “love” hormone.  High levels of oxytocin are associated with feelings of attachment and bonding.  Like dopamine, oxytocin is released in a burst after orgasm, but it doesn’t persist very long.

How does all of this mesh with a chastity sub?  Both dopamine and oxytocin rise during sexual arousal. The chastity device that a chastity sub wears contributes, in a modest way, to his low-level sexual arousal.  If a chastity sub is teased, then his dopamine and oxytocin levels increase even more.  In a best-case scenario, a chastity sub is kept in a state of relatively high sexual arousal.  This state helps explain the captioned image of a man in a chastity cage saying, “I prefer to keep it on” and why the expression “there is no denial without the tease” is true.  Neurologically, a chastity sub in a high state of sexual arousal grows to “enjoy” all the benefits of high dopamine and oxytocin, while avoiding the deleterious effects of prolactin. 

All those pesky acronyms and abbreviations in BDSM

bus-1241459_1920For some reason kinksters love their acronyms.  Maybe it’s the need to be discrete in front of others or maybe it’s the geek in us wanting to have a secret lingo that only the “in crowd” understands.  Whatever the reason it can get cumbersome at times.  I remember a Domme texting Me once asking what NT meant.  A sub had listed his kinks in acronyms and she was drawing a blank on that one.  When I replied, “nipple torture”, she did the proverbial face palm.  Of course she knew what NT meant, but with all these to remember (plus subs occasionally make up their own) it can be difficult to recall them sometimes.

Recently on Twitter I announced that I was about to see a particular sub and listed the day’s menu in hashtag acronyms.  When he arrived at the dungeon he said he had been worrying all day what #SOT meant.  I pulled out My strap on and he got it – in more ways than one.

Below is a list some of the most common abbreviations used in Female Domination:

AB – Adult Baby
ATM – Ass to Mouth
BBW – Big Beautiful Woman
BDSM – Bondage & Discipline (BD) Dominance & submission (Ds) Sadism & Masochism (SM)
CBB – Cock and Ball Bondage
CBT – Cock and Ball Torture
CD – Crossdresser
CFNM – Clothed Female, Naked Male
CP – Corporal Punishment
Cuck – Cuckold
D/s – Dominant/submissive
FEMDOM – Female Domination
FT or FTT – Full Toilet or Full Toilet Training
GS – Golden Shower
NT – Nipple Torture
OTK – Over The Knee
RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink
SPH – Small Penis Humiliation
SOT – Strap On Training
SOW – Strap On Worship
SSC – Safe Sane Consensual
TPE – Total Power Exchange
TS – Trans Sexual
WS – Water Sports

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