Category Archives: Education

FAQs about Gender Play

What is the difference between a crossdresser and a sissy?

Gender play raises a lot of questions and people often get stuck on the labels.  In general, crossdressing is more of a positive transformation from male to female, experiencing all the wonderful female energy that goes with being pretty and pursued.  Sissy play is more about humiliation; stripping away the male ego and replacing it with a caricature of a woman or a girl.  This humiliation can be extreme and harsh or more benevolent and nurturing, like dealing with a child.

Both scenarios can be emotionally complex.  This underscores the importance in choosing the right Mistress or partner to help you with the exploration.

Does desiring to be feminized mean that I am gay or bi-sexual? 

Absolutely not!  Some men get fully dressed for the first time and declare themselves lesbians.  Others crave to suck cock, but I don’t think it’s done anything more than bring to the surface what has been swirling around underneath.

What happens in a feminization session?

There is no “typical” session when it comes to gender play.  Sessions that involve feminization are as wide and varied as you can possibly imagine.  They may involve forced feminization where the man is made to dress and behave like a slut and involve humiliation or it may be the opposite where a man wants to embrace his feminine side and feel the empowerment that comes from being a woman.  The spectrum between these extremes is where we normally play.

Here are some possible activities:

  • Dressing – from sissy to slutty to elegant.
  • Makeup – trans makeup to full drag queen and anything between.
  • Manicure/Pedicure – out at a salon or in the privacy of the feminization area
  • Esthetician services:  waxing, eyebrow threading, shaving, facial, etc.
  • Full transformations that include makeup, wig, outfits, heels, etc.
  • Sissy training – teaching you to act like a proper sissy, learning to curtsy, talk, walk, etc.
  • Sissy maid training – learning to serve dominant females in various ways.
  • Slut training – learning to suck a strap on, strap on training, etc.
  • Medical scenes – enemas (getting your period), pussy/anal training, mock castrations/gender reassignment, etc.
  • Public outings – this can include salon visits, dance clubs, dinner outings, shopping, etc.

As you can see, the options and combination of activities are almost endless and are defined by your imagination.

Here are links to reviews of sessions that involved gender play, crossdressing and sissy play.

Crossdressing help and feminization session

Pressing “Candy” into service at FemDom Mansion

Training sissy slut “Martina”

Transforming “Dianna”

Panty Slut Pamela’s overnight in the Dungeon

“Vanessa’s” gender reassignment

I also suggest read this interview at Simply Sxy about How to Explore and Enjoy Gender Play.

To set up your feminization session, visit MistressAyn.com, read through the and complete the experience/fetish form when you are ready to book. I also offer phone consultations and distance training for crossdresser and sissies.

 

 

 

 

Using a persona with your kink

There are a number of reasons you might want to use a different persona when participating in BDSM or kink activities. We discuss a few in this short clip.

Interview on Gender Play

I was recently interviewed by the sleek and handsome website, SimplySxy.  They have some amazing articles on a wide range of topics regarding sexuality, BDSM and other kink related subjects.  When they approached Me about doing an interview on My thoughts and experiences regarding Gender Play I was very excited to do so.

In the interview I give a little background on Myself and how I came to like Gender Play.  However, the second question I was asked was “What is Gender Play?” and for those that don’t know, here is the beginning of My answer:  “It’s a broad spectrum form of play and it just keeps getting broader with our exposure to non-traditional gender identities like non-binary, gender fluid, transgender, etc.  Regarding My gender play, which is almost exclusively with men, it’s about taking them out of the confines of their born gender –  what they are programmed to feel and believe about themselves, and how they identify with their gender.”

To read the full interview and explore their valuable site, visit SimplySxy and follow them on Twitter at @SimplySxy.

How to become a professional Dominatrix.

 

So you think you wanna be a ProDomme?

During every financial downturn my inbox fills with requests to be trained as a Dominatrix.  For some reason when times are tough many ladies think that the adult industry is the place to turn, and it might be, but deciding to become a Dominatrix because whatever you are currently involved in isn’t working out may not be your best move.

First, ask yourself the following questions:

Do you enjoy kink in your personal life? Do you engage in BDSM personally?  Do you go to public Dungeons or attend kink events?  If the answer is “no” then you are probably looking at this profession purely as a means to make money and if that is the case, I can pretty much guarantee that you won’t last.  Dealing with other people’s kinky fantasies day in and day out is not for the non-kinkster.

Do you love men? I don’t mean just like or tolerate men, but truly love men?  If not, take a pass.  This profession is primarily about the male fantasy.  The idea that you get to abuse men for a living may be your fantasy but it is not reality.  If you can’t communicate with men, empathize with them, be confident around them and respect them, this is not the profession for you.

Are you a disciplined self starter? As a Dominatrix you are self employed.  There won’t be anyone there to tell you to answer your emails, place your ads, keep your social media up to date, participate in photo shoots, network with your peers, maintain communication with your clients, be on time and in general act like a professional.  It’s all on you.  If you could do all of the above, you could probably be successful in anything you chose.  Are you sure you want to put that kind of effort into this?

Are you working through issues? Trying to get a handle on personal problems like relationship drama, substance abuse, depression or anxiety does not mix well with the adult industry.  Unfortunately it seems to be the first place many people turn but confidence and inner strength are needed to survive and succeed here.  Otherwise it will exacerbate your issues and potentially chew you up.

The four questions above are just a start.  The hard truth is that it takes more than an attractive look and a leather corset to flourish and make a name for yourself in the industry.  Skill, empathy and professionalism are pre-requisites.

 

Do something you love.

That being said, if the above questions are not an issue for you, then being a Dominatrix may be the ideal profession.  Imagine doing something you truly love everyday and getting paid for it.  That’s how I feel.  I have done many things in my life and have been successful at most of them, but I have never done anything that I enjoy more than this.

My story:

I was introduced to FemDom by my significant other more than 20 years ago.   I went to clubs, read voraciously, hung around with lifestyle BDSMers and in general learned and tried everything I could, just for the experience – because I loved the kink.  In 2009 I decided to make a change in my career path and took my knowledge of BDSM (there were still gaps even after 10 years) and combined it with my corporate experience and marketing expertise.  I became a Dominatrix – but I still needed help.

Nothing in life is free and I didn’t expect other industry professionals to help me for free.  I still needed to know how the professional side of the industry worked.  How do you screen clients?  Where is the best place to do sessions?  Where do you advertise?  Etc, etc. So I sought out a mentor but I offered something in return.  After all, you are asking a seemingly successful person to train you and set you up so you can basically go into competition with them.  Why should they do that?

What do you have to offer?

So sit back and think about that for a minute.  How much do you need and what are you asking for?  Do you need to learn the FemDom scene from the ground up?  Do you just need some logistical information to get the business side of things started?  What is this knowledge worth and how do you intend to pay for it?  Will you offer an upfront consulting fee or one paid out over time?  Will you agree to rent space from the mentor if they offer such a service?  These are legitimate questions.  You need to have answers before you start knocking on doors.

If none of this has discouraged you, then follow you dream.  Me?  I no longer mentor.  I found it to be a thankless job that was unappreciated by most that sought my help.  But there are people out there that will help you if you are sincere and offer something in return.  If you want to take the time to email me, I can point you in the right direction.  I still recommend connecting with local scene people.  They can teach you much and even send you in the direction of those that may be able to help you further.  The more you know before you enter the arena of professional domination, the more equipped you will be for success.

Perfect Self-administered Ruined Orgasm

 

The Submissive Male’s Guide to the Perfect Self-administered Ruined Orgasm

A ruined orgasm for a submissive male is one of the most intensely pleasurable, toe-curling, sweat-inducing, back-arching, fist-clenching, teeth-gnashing, brain-bending endeavors a submissive male can experience to drive him into an animal sexual frenzy.  One of the biggest misconceptions about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined.”  It sounds like torture or something a submissive male might do to himself only for punishment.  But, it could be a way to experience ecstasy, delight and have one of the biggest and best orgasms he has ever had in his entire life.

The name is misleading in that a properly ruined orgasm is STILL an orgasm!  Yet, it does feel profoundly different to the submissive male, but it still feels great, yet in a different way than a normal orgasm.  The perfect ruined orgasm is a special kind of climax, achieved in a very specific way that triggers a different sequence of physical, emotional, and hormonal reactions in the submissive male’s body.  To a male accustomed to and expecting normal orgasms, the sudden surprise of new and different sensations might be confusing in his hyper-aroused brain by causing unexpected disappointment. The submissive male is expecting one thing – a powerful climax, but at the last second, he gets something different.  A ruined orgasm does not tell the submissive male’s brain to release any of the hormones associated with the post-orgasmic “afterglow,” such as prolactin and oxytocin. Dopamine levels remain elevated throughout the body. Instead of feeling sluggish and exhausted after an orgasm, the submissive male remains aroused and sexually frustrated after ruining the orgasm.   Rarely would a male ruin his own orgasm, but a submissive male, under the strict control or directions of a Mistress, different sensations and motivations occur.

There are a few important things that enable a submissive male to have a “perfect” (or as close to that as possible) ruined orgasm.

First, often associated with the perfect ruined orgasm is extended pleasure.   One possible path for the submissive male to take is to perform, possibly at the direction of a Mistress, repeated (four to six consecutive days), prolonged (from 15 to 30 minutes) stop-and-start stimulation.  This is commonly known as edging.  This seems to charge up the submissive male and his cock to a higher sensitivity and definitely a greater yearning for an orgasm, any orgasm.

Second, unlike a normal orgasm, with a ruined orgasm all stimulation stops as the ejaculation begins to build.  And this is the tricky part, the stroking of the cock toward an orgasmic explosion needs to terminate at a critical moment.  If you wait until the sperms starts its path through the urethra, it’s too late.  Stopping at the height of the build up but before you teeter over that edge is critical and this is where many would be “ruiners” fail, by stroking too long, either out of ignorance or lack of control.

To achieve a “perfect” ruined orgasm, keen attention must be given to the signals from the submissive male’s body, particularly as his stroking leads to what could be “THE” climactic end to the edging, but making sure to stop the stroking before the climax actually occurrs.  There is a critical point when more stroking would achieve orgasm.  It takes all of the submissive male’s willpower and desire to please his Mistress to submit and follow Her orders – when a ruined orgasm only is permitted.

The submissive male needs to train himself to give himself a perfect ruined orgasm.  He needs to know his body very, very well.  He needs to study his specific sequence of escalating physical pleasure signals, to identify the first possible moment in the sequence where he can let go and cause himself to still cascade through climax.  Arched back, tensed muscles, grunts, whimpers, pulsing cock, retracted balls–every submissive male has his signals.  Leaking pre-cum is an excellent signal for the submissive male to become aware of if hoping to achieve a ruined orgasm.  Instead of letting go “at the last second,” the submissive male actually wants to let go as early as possible.  He needs to hang, untouched, on the verge of climax, for as long as physically possible, before his body reflexively sends him over.  If done correctly, the perfect ruined orgasm results in his sperm to just dribble out, under weak contractions, if at all.  The submissive male should desire and seek to extend that “hangtime” just before ejaculation to be as long as possible.

Sadly, but understandable, the submissive male typically misjudges his own point-of-no-return.  It is probably long before he says it is.  The problem is he is in a mindless pleasure-trance when stroking toward orgasm.  The submissive male is not the most reliable person at that point but needs to train himself to become more sensitive and attentive to achieve the perfect self-administered ruined orgasm.

Ample loads of sperm may be released from the submissive male’s cock during a ruined orgasm, especially if not allowed to orgasm for an extended time, but not with the intensity of a normal orgasm.  If successful, the male’s sperm is only released through a dribbling out of the cock (not a powerful spurting like a normal orgasm) or by “forcing” the sperm out by firmly but gently squeezing the cock by forming a circle with his thumb and forefinger and running his two fingers from the base of his cock to the tip in a milking action.

Why is a ruined orgasm so special?  In a normal orgasm, the male hits his peak of pleasure, then comes crashing down in a wonderful, violent torrent of release, followed by an involuntary rest-and-recharge time called the “refractory period.”  He feels a warm, satisfying wash of hormones.  Then his cock goes limp and his entire body instinctively commands him to rest and recover.

In a ruined orgasm, the submissive male hits his peak of pleasure, tips just barely over the edge, but the violent crash is not triggered.  It is not triggered because the expected physical stimulation is absent.  Weak muscle contractions struggle to squeeze the cum from his body.  He feels an electric tremor throughout his body, distinctly different from the warm wash of a normal orgasm.  Importantly, the sense of satisfaction never triggers.  The submissive male had an orgasm and he unloaded some cum, but he feels “unfinished.”  Despite having released his load, the submissive male is exceptionally horny and frustrated, not exhausted and satisfied as with a normal orgasm, and is likely still erect.  While his balls are drained, he did not have the sensation of having an orgasm.

 

There may be many reasons why a submissive male would attempt to have the “perfect ruined orgasm.”

Some submissive males are turned on with this kind of play – the control exerted by a Mistress, the using of his cock for Her pleasure and not his, and the continued sexual frustration which does not occur after a normal orgasm.  The male remains as before the ruined orgasm, hanging on his Mistress’s every command, ready and willing to obey Her.

A ruined orgasm is different and something a male would not choose on his own.  As a submissive, the male relinquishes all control to his Mistress, She makes the decisions and orders him to do something that he likely would not have initiated.  A Mistress might allow Her submissive male the pleasure of a normal orgasm or may decide to have him endure a ruined orgasm – it is completely under Her control.

A ruined orgasm causes the submissive male to focus on pleasing his Mistress, not achieving his own pleasure.  As a true submissive, the male’s thoughts and actions should be about his Mistress, not himself.

Masturbation, something a male may do all too frequently before becoming submissive to his Mistress, would allow him total control – when to start, how long to stroke, when to finish, and how to finish.  The ruined orgasm is the quintessential giving up of control and trusting in his Mistress to make all of the decisions, especially on how to finish the stroking session.

Finally, prolonged chastity without any release can be problematic for a submissive male’s health.  A Mistress should be sensitive to that and a ruined orgasm serves to provide the submissive male with the medical benefits of draining his balls, while not providing him with the pleasure associated with a normal orgasm.  Like milking the prostate, the ruined orgasm is beneficial for the submissive male’s health.

Researched and written by slaveboy.  Assisted by sissy jennifer.

Ruined Orgasm - Mistress Ayn

 

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