Chronicles of chaste slave – #4 – The emotional transformation and control – by slaveboy

i am becoming aware that every command has its own powerful control over me. While Mistress Ayn’s orders may sound sweet and caring (chastity freedom), Her commands have a powerful and sadistic edge (no touching, no orgasms). Whether ordered to orgasm multiple times throughout the day or within a limited time upon command, to orgasm but ruin it, to edge for longer periods but not orgasm, to remain in chastity indefinitely, or to be released from chastity but refrain from any stroking.

Paradoxically i desperately want to orgasm and feel pleasure, yet also desire the comfort and security of chastity (realizing that I have spent 98% during the past few months in chastity – that has become my “new normal”). This is both an exhilarating and a frightening life existence as Mistress Ayn’s chaste slave. She has my head spinning and my emotions in chaos and the only option i consider is complete surrender to Her, to trust Her, and obediently follow Her commands.

My emotions swing widely. There is the excitement at experiencing this new chapter in the journey of my life and a sense of correctness with having Mistress Ayn in complete control of Her cock, waking each day and reminded throughout the day that Her cock is securely caged. There also is a growing fear of not fully understanding what i have gotten myself into and an utter helplessness of loyally following Mistress Ayn’s orders (all while i have the key but cannot convince myself to playfully abuse Her cock during maintenance times or release Her cock unless instructed).

i also have been pondering my lesson learned — never, ever, ever displease your Mistress.  i know Mistress Ayn is strict with me since that is how i am learning and the only way to undo all those years of control, power, and a lack of total respect for Women. i need the discipline — wish Mistress Ayn could see it in person — and the control She exerts. i wish i could express how truly happy i am with Mistress Ayn as my Keyholder. i am thriving being Her slaveboy – both in person at the Femdom Mansion and virtually via emailed commands and chastity sentences.