Author Archives: Mistress Ayn

Trials and Tribulations of a chastity slave – #33

Sunday, 05 December 2021 20:53
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The Emergence of a Sissy Slut – by slaveboy jaime

i have long believed in the Supremacy of Women, so becoming a submissive to Mistress Ayn was not a surprise to me, however the depth of that commitment does pleasantly shock me.  i do not know how deep inside of me was the desire to also become a sissy slut, but Mistress Ayn located that and is exploiting it to my amazement and Her (and my) enjoyment.

It is one thing to have Mistress Ayn spend what seems like hours up close and personal with me.  i treasure those times when She carefully and precisely applies makeup and transforms me into the sissy She desires.  Then a variety of Mistresses and Goddesses enjoy the task of selecting what i am to wear – sometimes silly and other times quite elegant (as my “bride’s outfit” for the collaring ceremony at the FemDom Mansion) – in order to serve Them at dinner or be the perfect hostess at a cocktail party or perform as a Burlesque dancer.

Yet, recently, there has been a major transformation in my “sissyhood.”  i am now purchasing a new sissy wardrobe for myself to wear privately around my house or upon command for Zoom sessions with Mistress Ayn – not only on display at the FemDom Mansion.  With guidance from Mistress Ayn, i search websites for that perfectly sissified pair of stockings, or garter belt, or corset, or bedtime wear, or French maid’s outfit.

When i wear these clothes i feel my “sissy-self” emerging.  i feel more in touch with “my feminine side,” a cliché but true.  i feel complete in having this part of my personality emerge.  i feel sexy, yet submissive.  And, the corsets, it is like someone is hugging me with the soft texture of the material but the firmly embracing me through the tightly laced ribbons securely tied.

This is all still quite new for me but i am treasuring what i am now experiencing.  It is good to find a new and comfortable side of my personality and even more exhilarating that it seems to please my Mistress.

i often wondered if She dressed me up – once as Mistress Ayn’s Mini-Me for a Halloween party at the FemDom Mansion – because She liked it, which is sufficient for me.  But, now i am thinking that Mistress Ayn saw this part of me way-down, deep inside my psyche and has helped bring it out so i can enjoy it because She cares for me so very much as Her chaste and owned slaveboy.

Review of the Evil Shells CBT device

Friday, 12 November 2021 19:18
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The good folks at Ony-shop.com sent Me some toys to try out and review.  Here is My take on the Evil Shells CBT device.  The Safe For Work version is available on YouTube.

The uncensored version can be seen on My AVN page

In the uncensored video you can see Me put it on one of My submissives and demonstrate its use.

Or you can see it on Oxy-shop’s website and shop for some toys while you are there.

Trials and tribulations of a chastity slave – #32

Monday, 08 November 2021 22:09
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When Mistress Ayn declares indefinite chastity – by slave boy

After achieving my “two years in chastity” anniversary, i thought it prudent to reflect upon my experience as Mistress Ayn took charge of my orgasms.  She decided if i could orgasm, when i should orgasm, and how i should orgasm.  She also made it clear that i should be in chastity indefinite, so the pattern described next seems to be my life now, as Mistress Ayn’s chaste slaveboy.

During my days of pre-chastity, i would masturbate to a powerful orgasm 3 times a week, that is 156 times in a year. But now ….

In 2019, i was allowed: 8 “real” orgasms, 8 “ruined” orgasms, and one “forced” orgasm, a total of 17 “releases.”

In 2020, i was allowed: 6 “real orgasms, 6 “ruined orgasms, and 4 “forced” orgasms, a total of 16 “releases.”

In 2020, my “releases” were:

Jan 20 = 3 “forced” (rapid) orgasms

Jan 31 = “ruined” orgasm

Mar 15 = “real” orgasm

Apr 8 = “real” orgasm

Apr 30 = “real” orgasm

May 18 = “real” orgasm

Jun 22 = “ruined” orgasm

Jul 22 = “ruined” orgasm

Sep 3 = “ruined” orgasm

Sep 21 = “forced” orgasm with vibrator

Oct 22 = “ruined” orgasm

Oct 29 – “real orgasm” with clothespins attached to Her balls and the Edge in my ass

Nov 12 = “forced” orgasm with vibrator

Dec 26 – “real orgasm”

Dec 29 – “ruined” orgasm

Dec 31 – “real orgasm”

i definitely see a pattern here – about the same number of orgasms each year while in indefinite chastity (an average of 1.3 per month or 0.3 per week) and less than half of the permitted or ordered orgasms are “real” or pleasurable orgasms.

No complaint, no opinion, simply reporting and committing to my complete devotion and obedience to You, Mistress Ayn, as Your chaste slaveboy.

Saying goodbye.

Monday, 13 September 2021 17:28
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With a heavy heart, I bring news of Michael’s (aka Ayn’s Toy and Wheelz) death. He was taken from us suddenly and the sun has seemed a little dimmer ever since. Michael touched the lives of so many in our community with his kind words, encouragement and humor. He was a joy and an inspiration to all that knew him.

On May 2nd of this year, I put a collar on Michael’s neck, acknowledging his status of belonging.  It was not a commitment either of us took lightly.  He made Me proud in so many ways and I believe he would say it completed him.  In Me, and our community, he found a safe place – a place he said felt like home.  I loved him for that and so much more.  It breaks My heart that I won’t be able to celebrate our anniversary with him next year.

For Michael, submissiveness was not a persona he took out of the closet and chose to wear when it suited him.  Our time together was not about what I could do to him or for him, but what he could do for Me and that is where he took his real pleasure.  He was the real deal and that is rare.

There were so many beautiful things about Michael, but one that always amazed Me was how he dealt with his injury and the confinement to a chair.  I never knew him to be bitter or have self pity.  He almost made you forget his limitations and his self deprecating humor stopped any awkwardness you might feel in his presence.

He touched many lives in this community by giving of himself;  always quick to lift someone up, congratulate them and counsel them when they were down.  He literally “made” the online community that many of us are a part of and he will leave a void not easily filled.  I for one will miss him forever.

Go in peace My toy.

“Thank you for being a part of my life … For picking me up when I needed it.. for allowing me to do the same for you… For finding the perfect gif to “win” our banter.. . For being the centerpiece of our group of friends that play on here… You will be forever missed.”- asp

“He was one of the first people who helped me become comfortable in the kink community. Always helpful and always up for a good joke. This hurt me more than most would expect since I never met him in person. I had hoped to one day but now I can’t. I’m glad to have met him.” – n_ikkbell

“Michael will be missed, his humor,wit and advice always brought more than was given. One of the best . My heart and thoughts are with all who knew him.” – rob aka elf

“The banter back and forth on here will be missed. I offer my hugs. The loss is going to sting much more, and much deeper, than any tool can give.” – claudia f

“This was heartbreaking  news to get the other day from my Domme Sister/Bestie. I had the privilege of knowing Michael over the years. He is a kind, gentle soul. One of the good guys and gone too soon It is heart wrenching! I have been reflecting over the last few days to honor him.” – Goddess Samantha

“He was and will be a special ‘brother'”. . . – slaveboy jaime

“Truly painful loss of a great person and sub”. – Mistress Ultra Violet

“AynsToy and I became friends several years ago and shared our love for BBQ, guns and fast cars. My ’63 Vette and his Dodge Hellcat. We shared many lunches and found we had many things in common. He was an exceptional man; loving,caring, fun-loving, kind to a fault.  To him I offer this poem by John Gillespie Magee in 1941. Sounds just like AynsToy.” – Ayn’s pet (aka paddles)

 

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds,- and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of- wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hovering there, I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless hall of air . . .
Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew-
And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
John Gillespie Magee 1941

 

Trials and tribulations of a chastity slave – #31

Tuesday, 22 June 2021 13:27
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Installment 31 – When a submissive is asked by his Mistress: “What do you think?” – by slaveboy.

In the heat of an intense tease and denial session, Mistress Ayn asked me: “Do you want to cum, slaveboy?”  The obvious, immediate, physically induced, sexually frustrated answer is: “Yes, please, Mistress, please let me cum.”  Yet, deep down inside, at the core of my submissive nature, there is a desire for denial, to be kept from an orgasm by my dominant Mistress.  i crave to be stopped just short of an orgasm and ordered to be locked back into Her chastity cage.

This moment caused me to reflect later – “should a submissive be asked what s/he thinks or wants?”  i am less comfortable with that task for two reasons.

First, as a submissive i often decide incorrectly or too tentatively.  i did not want to be placed in indefinite chastity (i wanted to try chastity but not necessarily indefinitely), or to have my nipples pierced, or be dressed in drag by Mistress Ayn and Her friends, or be chained in the dungeon overnight, or to eat from a dog bowl, or be subjected to painful discipline from a whip or cane, and so many, many more things.  Mistress Ayn jokes about my “hard limit” list, which has disappeared as i have given up control to Mistress Ayn.  These experiences are some of the very best things i have endured, as Mistress Ayn’s owned slaveboy and i treasure them.  When i let go, gave up control, stopped thinking for myself and trusted Mistress Ayn, things became so much better in my life.

Second, as a submissive it is unnatural for me to think – that is a form of control.  i am a slave, Mistress Ayn is my owner.  Her role is to control me, my role is to obey Her.  She uses me for Her pleasure, my primary responsibility is to please Her.  Thinking or exerting any sort of control into O/our relationship often ends up with me in trouble.  Thinking is not what She needs from me nor what i am particularly good at as Her slave.  Listening to my Mistress and fulfilling Her commands is my role as Her owned slaveboy.  Over time, as i become more obedient and sensitive to Her wishes, i become a better owned and chaste slaveboy and Mistress Ayn is pleased with me.

However, a Mistress should ask Her slave anything She wants.  She does not and likely will not do what the slave asks for, but She may be interested in knowing what the slave is thinking.  And, i have learned that the best response is – Whatever pleases you, Mistress Ayn.  That truly has become what i am thinking and what i want the most.

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