Author Archives: Mistress Ayn

Saying goodbye.

Monday, 13 September 2021 17:28
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With a heavy heart, I bring news of Michael’s (aka Ayn’s Toy and Wheelz) death. He was taken from us suddenly and the sun has seemed a little dimmer ever since. Michael touched the lives of so many in our community with his kind words, encouragement and humor. He was a joy and an inspiration to all that knew him.

On May 2nd of this year, I put a collar on Michael’s neck, acknowledging his status of belonging.  It was not a commitment either of us took lightly.  He made Me proud in so many ways and I believe he would say it completed him.  In Me, and our community, he found a safe place – a place he said felt like home.  I loved him for that and so much more.  It breaks My heart that I won’t be able to celebrate our anniversary with him next year.

For Michael, submissiveness was not a persona he took out of the closet and chose to wear when it suited him.  Our time together was not about what I could do to him or for him, but what he could do for Me and that is where he took his real pleasure.  He was the real deal and that is rare.

There were so many beautiful things about Michael, but one that always amazed Me was how he dealt with his injury and the confinement to a chair.  I never knew him to be bitter or have self pity.  He almost made you forget his limitations and his self deprecating humor stopped any awkwardness you might feel in his presence.

He touched many lives in this community by giving of himself;  always quick to lift someone up, congratulate them and counsel them when they were down.  He literally “made” the online community that many of us are a part of and he will leave a void not easily filled.  I for one will miss him forever.

Go in peace My toy.

“Thank you for being a part of my life … For picking me up when I needed it.. for allowing me to do the same for you… For finding the perfect gif to “win” our banter.. . For being the centerpiece of our group of friends that play on here… You will be forever missed.”- asp

“He was one of the first people who helped me become comfortable in the kink community. Always helpful and always up for a good joke. This hurt me more than most would expect since I never met him in person. I had hoped to one day but now I can’t. I’m glad to have met him.” – n_ikkbell

“Michael will be missed, his humor,wit and advice always brought more than was given. One of the best . My heart and thoughts are with all who knew him.” – rob aka elf

“The banter back and forth on here will be missed. I offer my hugs. The loss is going to sting much more, and much deeper, than any tool can give.” – claudia f

“This was heartbreaking  news to get the other day from my Domme Sister/Bestie. I had the privilege of knowing Michael over the years. He is a kind, gentle soul. One of the good guys and gone too soon It is heart wrenching! I have been reflecting over the last few days to honor him.” – Goddess Samantha

“He was and will be a special ‘brother'”. . . – slaveboy jaime

“Truly painful loss of a great person and sub”. – Mistress Ultra Violet

“AynsToy and I became friends several years ago and shared our love for BBQ, guns and fast cars. My ’63 Vette and his Dodge Hellcat. We shared many lunches and found we had many things in common. He was an exceptional man; loving,caring, fun-loving, kind to a fault.  To him I offer this poem by John Gillespie Magee in 1941. Sounds just like AynsToy.” – Ayn’s pet (aka paddles)

 

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds,- and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of- wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hovering there, I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless hall of air . . .
Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew-
And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
John Gillespie Magee 1941

 

Trials and tribulations of a chastity slave – #31

Tuesday, 22 June 2021 13:27
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Installment 31 – When a submissive is asked by his Mistress: “What do you think?” – by slaveboy.

In the heat of an intense tease and denial session, Mistress Ayn asked me: “Do you want to cum, slaveboy?”  The obvious, immediate, physically induced, sexually frustrated answer is: “Yes, please, Mistress, please let me cum.”  Yet, deep down inside, at the core of my submissive nature, there is a desire for denial, to be kept from an orgasm by my dominant Mistress.  i crave to be stopped just short of an orgasm and ordered to be locked back into Her chastity cage.

This moment caused me to reflect later – “should a submissive be asked what s/he thinks or wants?”  i am less comfortable with that task for two reasons.

First, as a submissive i often decide incorrectly or too tentatively.  i did not want to be placed in indefinite chastity (i wanted to try chastity but not necessarily indefinitely), or to have my nipples pierced, or be dressed in drag by Mistress Ayn and Her friends, or be chained in the dungeon overnight, or to eat from a dog bowl, or be subjected to painful discipline from a whip or cane, and so many, many more things.  Mistress Ayn jokes about my “hard limit” list, which has disappeared as i have given up control to Mistress Ayn.  These experiences are some of the very best things i have endured, as Mistress Ayn’s owned slaveboy and i treasure them.  When i let go, gave up control, stopped thinking for myself and trusted Mistress Ayn, things became so much better in my life.

Second, as a submissive it is unnatural for me to think – that is a form of control.  i am a slave, Mistress Ayn is my owner.  Her role is to control me, my role is to obey Her.  She uses me for Her pleasure, my primary responsibility is to please Her.  Thinking or exerting any sort of control into O/our relationship often ends up with me in trouble.  Thinking is not what She needs from me nor what i am particularly good at as Her slave.  Listening to my Mistress and fulfilling Her commands is my role as Her owned slaveboy.  Over time, as i become more obedient and sensitive to Her wishes, i become a better owned and chaste slaveboy and Mistress Ayn is pleased with me.

However, a Mistress should ask Her slave anything She wants.  She does not and likely will not do what the slave asks for, but She may be interested in knowing what the slave is thinking.  And, i have learned that the best response is – Whatever pleases you, Mistress Ayn.  That truly has become what i am thinking and what i want the most.

Collaring slaves

Wednesday, 16 June 2021 14:05
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Collaring a submissive is something I have always been resistant to, for several reasons.  I am a believer in long term relationships and I take commitment very seriously.  The act of collaring, to Me, is not a whim.  On the contrary it is much like a marriage.  I become responsible for the sub and everything the sub does is now a reflection on Me.  That’s heavy stuff.

The pandemic has been difficult in many ways but it has made Me reevaluate the things that are important to Me.  When times are difficult you learn who you can really depend on  and it became clear to Me that I have some spectacular subs.  Among those a few really stand out because of their long time exclusive devotion, the things they do to go the extra mile, their dependability, special skills or a combination of all of the above.  But mainly I realized there were a few subs that I knew I could really depend on.  If I were stranded in another state or hurt on the side of the road, they would move heaven and earth to rescue Me.  They would be family.

Because of this I decided to collar 3 additional subs this year and all three are now members of My kinky family.  Prior to this I had only the one collared sub, aka slave jaime, Ayn’s slaveboy.  It was a touchy subject to inform slaveboy he now had “brothers” but he accepted the news well.  I have encouraged My collared subs to get to know each other and I think that has only strengthened their bond.

The subs:

joe – My joe has served Me over a decade.  He has been the rock I needed during the rehabbing of two Dungeons.  He is the guy you call when a crisis occurs and he is always there ready to help.   In reality I should have collared joe years ago, so although he is not My first collared sub, I do consider him the alpha sub.

Ayn’s pet aka paddles – My pet has also served Me for at least a decade.  He has been loyal and fun but more recently he has become even more.  He is the one that volunteers sweat labor when he sees something needing done.  He has made Dungeon furniture, cleaned carpets, done yard work, filmed, you name it.   He has never refused a thing I asked.

Ayn’s toy – My toy was an easy decision but for different reasons.  During the pandemic he offered his support in important ways.  I could tell anytime he was able to help, he felt fulfilled by it in a way beyond how a typical person might feel.   It’s as if service completes him and I don’t know if I have ever met a soul quite like him.  He wormed his way into My heart in a comparatively short period of time, but I think he is here to stay.

These men have made a vow to serve and honor Me and I made a vow to protect and support them and be worthy of their service.  I hope we continue to make each other proud.  Yes, that is some heavy stuff.

Trials and tribulations of a chastity slave #30

Wednesday, 05 May 2021 14:05
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Installment # 30 – Mistress Ayn: The “Steven Spielberg of FemDom”

As many know, Steven Spielberg is one of the world’s premier movie directors.  My observations of, and experiences with, Mistress Ayn convince me that Mistress Ayn is the “Steven Spielberg of FemDom.”

Session after session, weekend after weekend, Mistress Ayn orchestrates as a skilled director established Mistresses and Goddesses, as well as newcomer Mistresses, switches and slaves.  Actors accept Her direction, follow Her lead, and gracefully fit into their roles as participants in Mistress Ayn’s production.  She seems to know how to get the most out of each actor, when to move aside and allow a seasoned Mistress to take charge, or when to step in with guidance or inspiration for other actors during the session or weekend.

The plot is crucial in telling the story and making a powerful production.  Over many weekends of my slave training at the FemDom Mansion and a few extended sessions at the Atlanta Dungeon, Mistress Ayn introduced various, and often unexpected, twists and turns to the plot but always with a clear objective – create a better slave to please all Mistresses.

Mistress Ayn knows when and how to use a location for Her production.  She uses a local nail or Brazilian wax salon to humiliate me as a slave-in-training, or has Mistresses take me to a mall to buy bling and clothing for a drag scene later at the Mansion.  She is very creative in getting the most out of locations at the FemDom Mansion.  The outdoor patio is the perfect space for my humiliating showers.  The dining room is a wonderful place for further embarrassment as Mistress’s sissy maid servant.  And, the downstairs dungeon is a natural location for Mistresses to indulge in Their personal fantasies with a willing slaveboy to serve Them.

Audiences often overlook the artistic aspects that make a good movie.  Mistress Ayn is aware of how to utilize hair, makeup, and costuming.  On more than one occasion Mistress Ayn, or Her co-producers (other Mistresses), dressed me up for a burlesque performance or for humiliation as a sissy maid servant.  i was stunning as Mistress Ayn’s bride in O/our collaring ceremony, adorned in lace and leather.

As an excellent director, Mistress Ayn knows how to improve my dialogue in a session – “Yes, Mistress,” “Thank You, Mistress,” and “Whatever pleases You, Mistress.”  She also knows when words are not needed and has effectively stopped (almost) my sassing during my stay the FemDom Mansion.

Like Spielberg, an outstanding director of a good film (or session) requires planning, control, motivation, and securing trust from Her actors.  Mistress Ayn artfully constructs a scenario that accentuates Her pleasure and the sub’s training.  She knows who to include in a session, how to build the session, what tools or implements to have available, and when to reinforce training with pain or when to insert pleasure.

Mistress Ayn is the quintessential Hollywood movie director.

Review of the Holy Trainer chastity device

Thursday, 29 April 2021 14:03
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People often ask My advice regarding which chastity device they should buy. In this video I go over the highlights of the Holy Trainer which I think is a good “off the shelf” option.  I over its good points and drawbacks so you can make an informed decision.  At a price of around $170 (yes, there has been inflation) it’s a good option for someone wanting something better than the cheap plastic knockoffs and less expensive than a custom made device.
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The website for the Holy Trainer is here: https://www.holytrainer.com/male-chas…
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Watch the full video on YouTube or on My Fan Site.

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