Tag Archives: advice

FAQ #28 – How do I prepare for a BDSM FemDom session?

Sunday, 22 April 2018 21:19
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Subs often ask Me if there is anything in particular they should do to prepare for a session.  Usually their mind is wrapped around their genitals and thoughts of edging, looking at photos, etc. are in the forefront, but there is a practical side to preparing for sessions too.  Subs get excited and sometimes forget the common sense practicalities of preparation.  Below are some pointers for making sure your session goes well.

  • Hydrate well prior to your session.  When things go wrong physically in a session (lightheadedness, nausea, tiredness, etc.) it is usually from dehydration.  This is the number one cause of fainting in session.  If you are having a particularly heavy session or a session that lasts 90 minutes or more, take a bottle of water or a sports drink with you in session and don’t be shy to ask for a swallow.
  • Eat normally.  I know pre-session jitters can lead to an adrenaline rush that can cause you to lose your appetite prior to a session but failing to eat can cause the same nasty issues listed above.  Even if you aren’t hungry try to at least eat a light meal prior to your session.  Low blood sugar due to a lack of food can really be a buzz kill in session.
  • Practice proper hygiene.  This should go without saying but be sure you arrive clean and fresh.  If you are coming from work or a flight and feel sweaty, ask to take a quick shower.  If you are odiferous your Domme won’t want to get too close.  If you will be engaging in anal play, give yourself an enema approximately 2 hours prior if at all possible.  I know this will be TMI for some, but all subs should clean in that area by inserting a soapy finger in the shower until it comes back clean.  There is nothing worse than spanking a sub and when you turn him over your knee he smells like ass.  Take this advice.  Your Mistress will appreciate it.
  • No cologne, please.  I know you think your cologne smells sexy and manly – and it may, but it’s not appropriate to wear it in session. Particularly strong scents have given Me a headache or caused Me to sneeze.   There is also the issue of transference.  Strong scents can transfer on to Us and We end up smelling like you.  A busy Domme can go home smelling like a department store fragrance counter.  I don’t wear any perfume in session for these exact reasons.  Please reciprocate.
  • Manscape if possible.  I know this is not an option for everyone, but even trimming can be a help.  Having to navigate around a full bush of hair to perform CBT can be awkward and actually hurt you in a not so good way.  Trim the shrubbery if you can.

In addition to these points, follow any specific instructions your Mistress has, including being chaste, preforming edging exercises or whatever She desires.  We want to have a good time just like you do, so do yourself a favor and prepare accordingly.

SESTA/FOSTA and how we move forward

Thursday, 29 March 2018 22:09
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The adult industry, which includes Professional Domination, is aghast at the passing of the Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act.  In most people’s opinion, it will do little to stop the “human trafficking” which was how it was sold to the public, but will instead force the sex industry (including the traffickers and pedos) farther underground and make everyone less safe.  It also blows a giant hole in our internet freedoms but few are actually talking about that.  The bottom line is the new law will hold website owners, hosting companies, social media sites, etc. responsible for the content of their users. If a provider posts a tweet on Twitter that says she will be available for sessions in Washington, DC, (and if those sessions are deemed illegal) technically Twitter would be breaking the law and Twitter would be held accountable.  But what does it really mean to Us as Dommes and you as a client?

We are a long way from knowing what the fallout from this will be. As many have said, it will really be up to the courts. The first test case will set the precedent. The DOJ has already said they don’t have time to police this and many believe that the judiciary will see this as overreach. We shall see.

I am not a political creature and have no expertise in these matters but my guess is they will go after the “low hanging fruit” first. Sites like The Erotic Review would be far easier to prosecute than say Max Fisch. TER caters primarily to escorts and illegal activity (illegal in the US, but they are based in Canada where providing sexual services is not illegal) is openly talked about there. I know TER has taken their US forums down, but what about the profiles and reviews of US providers? Profiles contain information like “rimming allowed” and “cum in mouth”. They may self-regulate this too by taking all US provider profiles down. As long as those profiles and reviews are up, they will be a big potential target. It will be interesting to watch.

Eros Guide is another big question mark. After the raid on their call offices in North Carolina, they notified advertisers saying that they were based in Switzerland and that all our information was safe. It will be interesting to see how non-US based companies like TER and Eros Guide will be treated. Any of the websites that mix escort/GFE services with BDSM are likely to be gone for us going forward – either by self-censorship or heavy enforcement of this new law. Personally, I have never liked being on a site that mixes the two but we don’t always have a choice if we want to advertise effectively. I would much prefer being exclusively on sites like Dickie Virgin that cater solely to BDSM. I may get my wish.

What’s really sad for me to see is all the self-censorship this is already causing. People are so afraid that they are policing themselves before the law has been tested. We are letting them win. Until there is a test case, I am not doing anything.

Obviously, those of us that are established in the business will feel any fall out less than newer providers or those trying to get started out in the business. When the BDSM/fetish portion of Backpage when down, I didn’t feel anything. If anything, I think it cleaned up the business a bit. But I am not a new Domme trying to get my name out. I am well indexed and easy to find. If sites like MF, the Buzz and Dickie Virgin bite the dust, it will be very hard for a new provider to get her name out there. I feel their pain.

Regardless, I think it’s highly doubtful they will choose to go after BDSM anytime soon. We should all stick to best business practices on our own websites and social media. We know what that is, we just don’t always adhere to it.

What should you do?

As a ProDomme,  you need to get your name out everywhere now because you don’t know what, if any, sites will be going down.  Do not rely on one advertising source.  Make sure your website is search engine friendly and take steps to get it indexed properly.  If you have a free site like Weebly or a WordPress blog, replace it.  Those companies already have rules against adult content and will be sure to enforce it fully now.  Back up your website and at a minimum copy all the wording in the event you have to rebuild it.  It’s also a good idea to start researching non-US based hosting companies.  Start using encrypted email and encourage your clients to do the same.  Use “best practices” on social media, like marking sensitive content.  You should have been doing this anyway and the first to have their accounts shut down will likely be the ones that have not used best practices.  Allow clients to subscribe to your email list and back that list up often if it is kept at a third party vendor like icontact.  These are all things that savvy, business headed ProDommes are already doing anyway.  That’s why they will be hurt less by any fallout.

As a client, you should start saving the contact information of providers that are important to you. Websites, social media accounts, etc. may start to disappear. If they have an email mailing list, subscribe to it.  Replace your “sub-persona” email account with encrypted email.  I’ve been using private, encrypted email (Luxsci.com) for a while now because I’ve never liked the idea of data mining. However it’s only good if it’s used on both ends – meaning if I send an email to a gmail account, it loses its secure feature once it lands in your gmail account. Many people are converting to ProtonMail.com, a free (for now) provider based in Switzerland that claims to be encrypted and does not share or scrape your account for marketing purposes.  ProtonMail to My account would therefore be encrypted and secure.

So in summary, I am not panicking and I don’t think anyone else should either. However, it is good to be prepared.  I think it is sad to see this potential loss of freedom, but as a nation, we brought this on ourselves by being asleep at the wheel and trading liberty and freedom for security.  Sleep tight America.

Want a simple primer to get up to speed on what FOSTA is all about?  Here is a pretty cut to the chase on:

https://www.thecut.com/2018/03/sesta-anti-sex-trafficking-bill-fosta.html

Passing out in a BDSM FemDom session

Wednesday, 14 March 2018 13:50
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This is a topic no one seems to want to talk about but it’s a real concern in BDSM play.  Out of the thousands of hours of sessions I’ve been involved in I have had this happen maybe 15 times – so although it’s rare, it does happen.

BDSM play can be strenuous and intense but it isn’t always extreme situations that cause a submissive to faint or pass out.  When you lose consciousness it’s because the body is under stress and decides to shut down.  The combination of adrenaline and odd positioning that often accompany a session can be enough in itself to cause an event.  Throw in a little pain and the ante goes up.  The following are just some of the causes of fainting in session:

  • Lack of hydration
  • Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) – including Non-Diabetic Hypoglycemia
  • A sudden lowering of blood pressure (many causes including ED drugs, vasovagal stimulation from pain, etc.)
  • Extreme temperatures
  • Lack of blood flow
  • Underlying heart issues or circulatory issues

There are a plethora of factors that can contribute to fainting in session and it can happen to anyone, at any age, so heed the following precautions:

  • Hydrate well prior to a session.  In My experience lack of hydration is the #1 factor.   For longer sessions, bring water or a sports drink.
  • Avoid erectile dysfunction drugs like Cialis and Viagra.  I know it’s fun to have a raging hard-on in session but ED drugs lower blood pressure (see above) and if you are on alpha blockers or nitrate drugs this can make the effect worse and is dangerous.  If you do take ED drugs for a session, move slowly when changing positions, avoid positions of standing immobility and by all means inform your Domme.
  • Eat normally prior to a session.  I know some subs can get a “case of the nerves” prior to sessioning and have a loss of appetite, but coming to a session on an empty stomach could have you ending up on the floor.  Eat and drink normally at least 30 minutes prior to your session.
  • When placed in standing positions. like on the St. Andrews cross, don’t lock your knees.  It lowers circulation to the brain.
  • If you get overheated easily and you are going to be engaging in very physical play or even cross-dressing, ask that the room temperature is lowered.  An overly warm room can cause light-headedness and subsequent fainting in some subs.
  • Be honest in your dealings with your BDSM provider.  If you have ever been lightheaded, felt dizzy or lost consciousness in session, tell them up front.  Some subs are just more prone to this.  That way she can take the necessary precautions.  Be honest about medical conditions, your age, medications and other relevant information she requires.  If she chooses not to see you because of it, so be it.  It could be a disaster if she is unprepared to deal with your condition.
  • At the first sign of lightheadedness, dizziness or disorientation – tell your Top immediately so they can take the necessary measures to keep you safe.

Advice for Tops:

In my personal experience, ED drugs, CBT and the St. Andrews cross = a perfect storm.  One of the factors is lack of circulation due to locked knees and hands above the heart in this position.  Use extreme caution in this situation or avoid it all together if you are not familiar with the sub and his responses.  The good news is, most subs revive quickly once you lay them flat.  They may be disoriented for a few seconds and think they were out longer than they were, but it’s usually only for a few seconds.

If your sub loses consciousness, the most important thing is not to panic.  The biggest issue you have at this point is moving them safely to a prone position.  If they are on the cross, unhook the legs first and pull them out a bit so they don’t fall forward when you release their hands.  Have full weight release clamps on the wrist connectors.  Their full weight will be on their wrists and it will be difficult (if not impossible) to unclamp them without release clamps.  While releasing the wrists, push your shoulder into their torso to bear their weight the best you can and guide them to the floor.  The bigger the sub the harder they will fall and this can be a difficult maneuver to do on your own, but they must come down in order to wake up.

Once they are flat on the floor aid in circulation by propping their feet up above their heart.  As stated, most subs wake instantly, but it’s still a good idea to have them rest in this position for a while before trying to move.  Give them water to sip.  Simple sugars like juice or hard candy (always keep some candy in your play bag) are helpful in cases of insulin drop.   Most subs are able to rest for 5-10 minutes and want to continue the session but use your discretion as to whether to continue or not and if you do, keep them in sitting or lying positions.  Tables are best but I have never had an issue on a spanking bench either.

If your sub does not revive quickly or becomes incontinent this is not a good sign and it’s time to call emergency response.

Although I did have this post reviewed by a doctor/sub client, it is not meant to be all encompassing and if in doubt, always err on the side of caution.  

 

 

FAQ #26 – May I take you to dinner?

Wednesday, 14 February 2018 10:04
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Yes, you may!  Sometimes prospective subs want a face to face meeting prior to sessioning.  I understand that.  It prevents you scheduling a session with someone that turns out to look nothing like their photos.  It can help you establish if you have chemistry and are compatible.  It can also help a new sub get his nerve up to actually serve in session.

Established subs can also want to spend time with their Mistress outside of the Dungeon.  I understand that too and often the feeling is mutual.  Some of you are very interesting characters . . .

The tribute for such outings are as follows:

$100 – Cafe date – 30 minutes +/-  This might entail coffee or a meet for a drink.

$150 – Dinner – 1 hour +  A more leisurely affair with time to get to know each other, decompress after a session, etc.

Overnight sessions usually include dinner.

Shopping adventures are also possible and run anywhere from $100 to $150 per hour depending on time reserved and what items are purchased.

Edging into chastity – one sub’s perspective

Tuesday, 31 January 2017 19:55
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20100731-05834-web-copyThis musing was written by one of My greedy little sluts (My gls) who will remain in his hiding place to the rest of the world.  All that matters is that he surfaces when he serves Me – which isn’t often enough for either of Us/us.

“Edging into Chastity. It may be your first telephone call or your forty-first email it makes no difference. Standing or sitting, you are still deciding whether to push the final button right up till when you either weaken or gain resolve. The push of the send button dispatching a carefully crafted email, or pressing that last number on your phone dials Her number. you are drawn to Her like a moth to a flame. you can never resist.

You meet Her criteria and are granted a session. It might be in 24 hours or two weeks, it doesn’t matter.

The time leading up to Your/your session is like the countdown to a rocket launch. You are in preparation mode now, driven by your own sense of preparedness, or better still following Her instructions to the letter.

As the clock moves you closer, your heartbeat increases and your mind wanders. You surreptitiously visit Her website, follow Her tweets, read Her blog, then the realization hits; you have already become Her sub, Her sissy, Her slut, Her slave and Her session is still three days away.

Suddenly you are standing in front of Her Dungeon pressing another button. This time the pressing of a button opens a door, a door that leads you into the dark secrets that you keep hidden from everyone but Her.

you step inside into the place where you most want to be. The door closes and in a matter of minutes She takes you from that place that you have always dreamed of, to a place She knows you need to be.

you were afraid of this happening and you wonder how She knew about that other place.”

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