It’s not uncommon to hear a ProDomme go off on a rant about what we call “wankers” (read time wasters), but often I think it’s not so much that the prospective submissive is intentionally trying to steal a Dommes time as much as it is ignorance to the ways of Our world. I have often thought of putting together a “how to” article for prospective subs, but the folks at ProDomme.com have done a superb job and saved Me all the work.
Below is the article in its entirety along with the occasional note from Me.
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13 Absolute “No-No’s” when Meeting a ProDomme for the First Time!!!
You’ve 
thought about it for a long time, you’ve searched and now you’ve found the Domme that will “pop your cherry” and introduce you to that oh so craved world of BDSM. Well good for you! In this article we’re going to list and explain some of the biggest mistakes first timers make when approaching a professional dominatrix and hopefully we’ll save you some embarrassment and disappointment.
NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT
One of the most annoying things for a pro-domme is her client’s not knowing what they want when they call and ask a million questions like:
- “I’m not sure what I want…
- “Can you give me some ideas?”
Sure the world of BDSM is very vast and the opportunities are endless, but anybody and everybody should have at least a vague idea of what they are looking to achieve during a session.
- Do you want to get spanked?
- Do you like to worship feet?
- Do you want to be tied up, humiliated, and punished?
- Or maybe you have a specific fetish??
Professional dommes often have a list of the services they engage in on their personal websites. Do yourself a favor and read those very carefully before initiating any contact with a dominatrix. This way if you don’t see your “thing”, then you can just keep searching and avoid wasting everyone’s time. Remember, there is nothing wrong about not being sure of your desires, just take some time to really think and research before you pick up your phone or start writing that email.
**Mistress Ayn note: When you do make email contact, be succinct and plan your communication. One of My pet peeves is an endless chain of emails asking questions, adding interests. etc. It makes it impossible to keep everything straight and it just plain irritating.
One last thing before we wrap this part up. If you’re calling your mistress simply because you’re horny, you’re in big trouble. Dominatrices are not sex workers!!! They will not satisfy your sexual needs!!!
BE SURE YOU ARE READY
First time clients tend to have a very high flake rate. This may be caused by a list of factors such as nervousness, indecisiveness and/or fear. However none of these are really an excuse to flake on your domme! Here are some things to take under consideration before you decided to not show up for your appointment. Your domme probably took a great deal of time to prepare and pamper herself for your time together. She probably turned down other clients so she can see you. If you do not show up for your appointment, you will most likely never be able to schedule another one in the future. Another thing to consider is that dommes often have “black list” or “flake lists” of clients that they share with other dommes. Once you get on that list, you’re done!!! Always keep in mind, if you disappoint your domme before you even meet her your chances of ever being in the company of ANY domme are slim to none. Professional dommes often don’t give second chances and they absolutely despise their time being wasted!
BE RESPECTFUL
Dominatrices are used to being treated with a great respect. Always be polite, always address your mistress by Mistress, Goddess or whatever she prefers, if you are not sure, ask, politely. NEVER EVER call a domme “baby”, “sweetie”, “hunny” or anything related to those! This will make your domme very, very angry and unhappy with you!
Don’t ever argue or try to negotiate with her boundaries. If her website strictly says that she doesn’t do something, don’t call her and ask anyway. You are not an exception to her rules! Begging or negotiating boundaries is pathetic and will not get you anywhere!
Don’t call your mistress after her listed working hours. This is another sign of disrespect and red flag for her. If she doesn’t accept texts, don’t text her. If she doesn’t respond to blocked numbers, don’t be a smart ass and block your number. If your domme has her hours of availability listed and you’ve read them, don’t ask for an appointment outside of these hours. Respect ALL limits, rules and etiquette! If she requires 24 hour notice for booking, don’t contact her at 2pm and ask for a session at 3pm. If she requires information for her screening, provide her with it and make sure it is as accurate as possible. Not following instructions and being disrespectful is a sign of ignorance and stupidity. If she has to refer you to her website after each of your questions, you have failed!
CONTACTING YOUR DOMME NO ONE LINERS, NO FREE PHONE SEX
Once you’ve educated yourself on all of the requests and etiquette of the domme you selected to “pop your cherry” you can initiate the contact. Here are a few things you should be mindful of and never do during this process.
If you are contacting a domme via phone always begin with introducing yourself by first and last name and right after that let her know where you found her ad and what your interest is. Don’t elaborate too much. A simple “I am interested in the session you offer” is enough for her to get an idea of what you’re looking for. Never ask a domme “Is this…?”!!! You are the one who called her, so you have be the one presenting yourself and your purpose and listening very careful to her instructions and guidance. A few other no-brainers are: Don’t interrupt her, don’t ever ask for anything illegal and always address her as Mistress, Miss, Madame, Goddess etc. Another huge pet peeve dommes have is clients calling with questions like:
- “What are you gonna do to me?”
This instantly puts you in the “bad client” list. It normally means you are looking for free phone sex, and dommes know it. You won’t get it!!! All you’ll probably end up with is a cold response, quick hang up and your dick in your hand…Oh and any chances of actually being in the presence of that domme are out the door. If you’re too nervous to meet for a session or you just want one over the phone, you will have to pay. Most dommes have the option to session over the phone and they have their prices for that service listed on their website. So be a doll and just follow the rules!
Often time’s dommes do not like to be contacted by phone. In that case look for an email or a form to fill out. One of the biggest rookie mistakes you can make when approaching a dominatrix via email is to write her one or two word emails. Things like “HI…”, “I want a session…”, or “You’re hot…” will most likely piss of your Domme and guarantee your email to be deleted without even a second look. Contacts like this say a lot about the person who writes them and every professional domme knows it. Firstly, it shows little to no respect for the process. Most of the time dominatrices have a personal website that they urge you to visit and read through before initiating a contact. If you didn’t take the time to read their website, why should she take the time to respond to you?!? Second, it shows your inability to follow instructions and obey simple rules. If you can’t do that, then you will probably not follow the directions your domme gives you during your session. Last but not least, it tells the provider you are not really serious and/or ready to dive into the world of domination. To sum this up, if you think you’re ready for your first encounter with a dominatrix, the number one rule is very simple –READ HER WEBSITE!!!
**Mistress Ayn note: Don’t send unsolicited photos – especially of your genitals. Do you really think they are special?
PERSONAL SLAVE = BROKE = NO DOMME
If you are so broke or cheap and you can’t afford to tribute your domme, but still decide to approach her with some question in the lines of “Can I be your personal slave?” or “How may I serve you (Without actually paying you for it)?” Be prepared for not so pleasant response, if you even get rewarded with one… If a prodomme needs a personal slave or someone to serve her for free, chances are she already has not just one, but a few of those. The lesson to learn here is, don’t be cheap, because the services and the company of a professional dominatrix aren’t!! If you can’t afford it at the moment, wait, save and then contact…
There are better alternatives than asking a pro to do her job for free. Here are some useful tips on what you can do instead of bugging your local dommes for free stuff:
- Become active in your local BDSM community. Explore fetish parties, events and BDSM classes
- Have a talk with your partner and see if they are interested in exploring some BDSM activities with you.
- Find a partner that is open to BDSM
DO NOT NEGOTIATE OR ASK FOR A DISCOUNT…DOMMES HATE LOWBALLERS
Never contact a dominatrix and give them a shopping list of things you want in your session, then offer a very low rate. This just pisses her off and you may not even get a return email. Imagine if you went to a restaurant and wanted to order $300 worth of food and wine then you explain to your waiter you only have $50. Obviously, that would never work and you and I both know you would never ever try something like that, so don’t assume that will work with your prodomme. Haggling or negotiating over her prices is a huge RED flag, most dommes will see it as a sign of major disrespect and that you are probably not someone she wants as a client. If a domme is offering any discounts or multiple services, she will let you know. You asking for it may get you in big trouble. But then, maybe that’s exactly what you’re looking for…
CAN I…..
Just STOP right now! If you are about to ask a pro-domme any question related to any sexual activity, better just assume that the answer is no. Most professional dommes have very strict rules about engaging in any sort of sexual activity or nudity on their part. This is also one of the main things listed on their personal website. Asking a dominatrix for sex is probably the rudest, most disrespectful thing to do! That means you assume they are an escort, and oh man are you wrong!!! ProDommes are NOT escorts! Just because you saw some porno online where the dominatrix had sex with her submissive, does not mean that is going to EVER happen in real life, so never ask or assume. There are plenty of escorts who offer some sort of fetish related services and even some who specialize in combining sex with femdom, contact them if you are seeking that.
IF YOU NEED TO CANCEL…
You’ve passed the initial contact with your domme, you were lucky enough to set up your first appointment, good for you!!! Now you probably think, “I’m in! Nothing can go wrong anymore.” Not so fast! We all know that sometimes life happens, and plans get interfered with. The day of your appointment you get stuck in a meeting/traffic or you simply get nervous and petrified. That’s ok. Get ahold of your domme as soon as possible and let her know of your circumstances. Be respectful, apologize, especially if you are about to cancel. If you had to cancel, one of the best way to make up for a cancelled session is to send a gift to your domme. Visit her website, check out her wishlist, send an email gift certificate or simply send her the gift of cash via PayPal. Any of those will put you back on the good side and will buy you mercy.
DON’T BE LATE
Don’t be late and always show up on time! If the location of your domme is in a high traffic area, take that into account and leave early. We do understand that accidents and other unforeseen acts of nature do happen, which is fine, however what is not fine is not to call your domme who is sitting, waiting and thinking you flaked! Most dominatrices schedule sessions back to back, if you show up late don’t expect to get your full session, and do expect to be charged for a full session price.
DON’T BE EARLY
Never show up early…ever! Discretion is a big part of this business and to show up early is just plain rude. Understand, that she may be in a session with another client, or maybe she is still getting ready. If your meeting place is a dungeon then maybe the room she booked for your session is not ready yet. If for some reason you happen to be early ALWAYS contact her first, and request if she can see you earlier. Sometimes it is not an issue, or even preferable, but always ask first.
HYGIENE
TAKE A SHOWER!!! We realize that this may sound too obvious to even mention, but we want to stress the importance of your hygiene. All dommes take very great care of themselves and always make sure they are at their best when in session with a client and they expect the same in return.
NEVER ASK FOR PERSONAL INFORMATION
When seeing your Domme don’t ever ask for personal information such as
- “Are you married?”
- “Do you have a boyfriend?”
- “Do your parents know you do this type of work?”
Or probably the most hated question:
Think about what comes out of your mouth before you speak. None of that information is any of your business, and in regards to the question “What else do you do?” – Seriously, you just paid me a huge sum of money in a very short amount of time, why would you think I have any other job, and even if I did have a regular job do you think it is any of your business! Last thing a domme needs is having a customer show up at their place of work.
TIPPING – IS NOT JUST A CITY IN CHINA
At the end of your session, if you had an absolute great time – tell your domme. She will appreciate it. Don’t call after your session to thank her! An email or a text message is enough. One of the best ways to show how much you appreciated her time and/or enjoyed the session is by tipping. You may not know this, but if your session took a place in a Dungeon, your domme is probably paying a fee to use that space, and most often than not those are pretty pricy. A tip in that case is very much appreciated. A respectful tip is $20, $50 is considered a good tip. Don’t tip less than $20!
Article by Shea Blackwell
For this and other great articles visit ProDomme.com
Learning your place in the D/s relationship is a journey. Some subs take it seriously. Others don’t. The ones that get the most from their time with a chosen Domme are the subs that can “let go”. After all, the power exchange is what true D/s is all about. My gls (that’s the name I gave him and what it stands for will remain a secret between us) wrote a wonderful open letter about topping from the bottom several months ago and as he has continued to grow he wants to continue to share his epiphanies with others. Below is his follow up to “Topping from the Bottom”.
