Installment 31 – When a submissive is asked by his Mistress: “What do you think?” – by slaveboy.
In the heat of an intense tease and denial session, Mistress Ayn asked me: “Do you want to cum, slaveboy?” The obvious, immediate, physically induced, sexually frustrated answer is: “Yes, please, Mistress, please let me cum.” Yet, deep down inside, at the core of my submissive nature, there is a desire for denial, to be kept from an orgasm by my dominant Mistress. i crave to be stopped just short of an orgasm and ordered to be locked back into Her chastity cage.
This moment caused me to reflect later – “should a submissive be asked what s/he thinks or wants?” i am less comfortable with that task for two reasons.
First, as a submissive i often decide incorrectly or too tentatively. i did not want to be placed in indefinite chastity (i wanted to try chastity but not necessarily indefinitely), or to have my nipples pierced, or be dressed in drag by Mistress Ayn and Her friends, or be chained in the dungeon overnight, or to eat from a dog bowl, or be subjected to painful discipline from a whip or cane, and so many, many more things. Mistress Ayn jokes about my “hard limit” list, which has disappeared as i have given up control to Mistress Ayn. These experiences are some of the very best things i have endured, as Mistress Ayn’s owned slaveboy and i treasure them. When i let go, gave up control, stopped thinking for myself and trusted Mistress Ayn, things became so much better in my life.
Second, as a submissive it is unnatural for me to think – that is a form of control. i am a slave, Mistress Ayn is my owner. Her role is to control me, my role is to obey Her. She uses me for Her pleasure, my primary responsibility is to please Her. Thinking or exerting any sort of control into O/our relationship often ends up with me in trouble. Thinking is not what She needs from me nor what i am particularly good at as Her slave. Listening to my Mistress and fulfilling Her commands is my role as Her owned slaveboy. Over time, as i become more obedient and sensitive to Her wishes, i become a better owned and chaste slaveboy and Mistress Ayn is pleased with me.
However, a Mistress should ask Her slave anything She wants. She does not and likely will not do what the slave asks for, but She may be interested in knowing what the slave is thinking. And, i have learned that the best response is – Whatever pleases you, Mistress Ayn. That truly has become what i am thinking and what i want the most.
Collaring a submissive is something I have always been resistant to, for several reasons. I am a believer in long term relationships and I take commitment very seriously. The act of collaring, to Me, is not a whim. On the contrary it is much like a marriage. I become responsible for the sub and everything the sub does is now a reflection on Me. That’s heavy stuff.