Installment #23 – The Role of Fear in Our (Mistress Ayn-slaveboy) Relationship
In most relationships (as in life) fear is something that is desperately avoided. Generally, fear is understood as a weak emotion that should be controlled. Yet, i am learning in my relationship as Mistress Ayn’s slaveboy that fear is something that must be embraced.
In O/our relationship, my fear spawns from the reality that Mistress Ayn is completely in control of all things, especially what happens to me. Even long distance, She dictates chastity release, panties wearing, nipple piercings, anal play, and so much more. When in Her presence, She determines what i eat and drink, wear, behave, whom i serve, and so much more. She decides everything and i simply surrender to Her control, although fear remains part of what i am feeling given the unknown and degree She pushes me to be a better slave.
In O/our relationship, my fear indicates that Mistress Ayn is about to expose me to something i had not experienced before or perhaps not even considered or wanted. As a frequent masturbator, i never imagined wearing a chastity cage indefinitely. As a traditional male, i did not consider becoming a pantie wearing submissive. In my vanilla life, getting a piercing was not on my list of desires. Yet, She knows what i need and will impose it upon Her slave despite my fear.
In O/our relationship, my fear signifies that i must turn to trust, as in trusting in my Mistress. Trusting that: She will hurt me, but never harm me; She will push my limits, but never beyond what i can take; She will give another Mistress control over me, but has established ground rules with the Mistress that She knows well; and She will always be there for me as i face my fears.
This is my thinking that helps me learn to embrace my fear in O/our relationship and by doing so i have come to understand that a healthy amount of fear makes sense in O/our relationship and allows O/our relationship to grow and for me to trust Mistress Ayn even more with each new experience. Embracing my fear as an essential element in O/our relationship has enabled me to build a strong commitment in trusting my Mistress and that is all that truly matters for me, Her slaveboy, in O/our relationship.
Your obedient and submissive slaveboy
I love controlling My subjects – any way I can. Many people do not have adequate privacy to do a phone or Skype session, so I have developed a special email task program to satisfy our need for D/s.