Tag Archives: Erotica

Trials and tribulations of a chastity slave – Finding to correct way to say “I love You, Mistress”

Wednesday, 30 March 2022 20:16
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Installment #36 – Finding to correct way to say “I love You, Mistress” by slaveboy jaime

Recently, i have felt a greater commitment and devotion to my Mistress, Mistress Ayn, yet words have failed me in my effort to clearly express what it is that i truly feel.  In my quest for understanding i turned to the Ancient Greeks – odd? perhaps! – to find clarity.

The Greeks have seven different words for love, each expressing a different sentiment.  Most commonly, people say “I love you” and mean “eros.”  Eros speaks of a romantic love, a feeling of passion.  This may be common among partners in a loving relationship, such as a wife and husband, or girlfriend and boyfriend.  But that misses the mark for my feelings as a submissive and my Mistress Ayn.

There is “phila” or a love between friends.  i feel that toward other Mistresses and Goddesses i have met and served at the FemDom Mansion or Atlanta Dungeon.  i treasure these relationships and love serving Them.  Yet, again not the special type of love i have for my Mistress Ayn.

“Storge” comes closer since it expresses a love that in unconditional and relational.  i am unconditionally committed to my Owner, Mistress Ayn, and will do whatever She orders me.  But, still not quite on point for my feeling of “love” toward Mistress Ayn.

Then i found it – “agape.”  Agape is a love that is typically reserved for a universal love, the love one has for a God (or in this case, a Goddess).  It is a love between unequals.  Yes, that is it – “Agape” – the proper expression of my love for my Mistress.  Agape is the deep felt expression of my devotion, a willingness to completely surrender to Her, to be or do whatever She wants or needs from me – slave, sissy, bitch, servant, and so many more roles.  Agape is how i understand Her role in my life, as my Mistress, Owner, Keyholder, Teacher and so many more.

Agape – i love You, Mistress Ayn. – slaveboy

Three Years in Chastity: “Mission Accomplished”

Sunday, 13 February 2022 19:07
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In the continuation of the Trials and Tribulations of a chastity slave chronicles, slaveboy reminisces about orgasms . . .

The three-year anniversary of my “indefinite” chastity caused me to reflect on a fading memory — orgasms.  Before chastity, i orgasmed when i felt the urge – about twice or thrice a week. i really do not remember those days, (as You like to say Mistress Ayn: “Mission Accomplished!”).  Then, as Your chaste slaveboy, i would look forward to the days whenever You would permit an orgasm.

Recently things have changed – orgasms are permitted whenever You wish to have them happen and under Your control (“Mission Accomplished!”).  And, a new twist – they rarely involve my stroking to a satisfying orgasm.  Your plan seems to have me orgasm JUST often enough for me to remember what You have taken away from me (“Mission Accomplished!”).  Orgasms are now just another one of Your many ways to control me, sometimes reward me, and even sometimes they are used to punish (“Mission Accomplished!”).

There is no pattern, for that would allow me to anticipate.  At the end of 2020, You had me orgasm at the stroke of the new year. The next year You casually signed off in Your last email, informing me that “I am off until Monday.”  No orgasm to end the year, keeping me unbalanced and submissive (“Mission Accomplished!”).

In 2019 and 2020, i was permitted “release” 19 times and 18 times, respectively.  For 2021, that number plummeted to 12 – a 35% drop.  i see where this is going: fewer releases, farther and farther apart, making it harder to remember orgasms, and You exerting more control (“Mission Accomplished!”).

And a new element, merely 12 releases, yet only FIVE “real orgasms,” when i was allowed to touch Your cock and bring myself to a satisfying orgasm.  THREE times a ruined orgasm, stroking but stopping just short of a satisfying release. THREE times a forced orgasm – release but no physical touch Your cock, but using a vibrator.  And, ONCE a forced, ruined orgasm – no physical touching and stopping before ejaculation.  You are a creative Mistress and apparently One with a plan – fewer releases and even fewer the old-fashion way = jerking off to ejaculation (“Mission Accomplished!”).

Is there a lesson here?  Yes.  You are in control, it is not about me, my needs, or my pleasure (“Mission Accomplished”). It is about Your pleasure.  My less frequent releases seem to please You, with new twists and turns, and less satisfaction.  i gladly embraced this new training.  You have trained me well, oh wise Mistress.  – slaveboy jaime

 

Trials and Tribulations of a chastity slave – Installment #34 – Cuckolding a collared, chaste, sissy slaveboy

Tuesday, 18 January 2022 21:20
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Installment #34 – Cuckolding a collared, chaste, sissy slaveboy – by slaveboy jaime

As many people know, cuckolding is often when the dominant female has sexual relations with a male that is not Her husband or partner.  She may also subject Her husband or partner, often serving Her as Her slave or sub, to watch or hear about these activities to further humiliate or dominate the sub.

As Mistress Ayn’s collared, chaste, sissy slaveboy, sexual activity is not part of O/our Mistress-slaver relationship.  i could never satisfy Her in that way – as She reminds me, my (now Her owned and caged) penis is too small to satisfy Her.  And, i will never be Mistress Ayn’s husband or partner.  Yet, cuckolding is present in O/our relationship in a unique way.

Each time She dominates another one of Her collared slaves or any submissive, i feel a sense of jealousy.  When She describes what She did to a slave, i am envious of what the other slave experienced.  i want to be there for Her, suffering at Her hands, being humiliated by Her words or actions, just serving Her and pleasing Her as She wishes – not hearing about another slave having that privilege.

i know Mistress Ayn does everything for a purpose and while She is not disciplining, humiliating or sissifying another one of Her slaves because of me specifically, it may also be a way She choose to cuckold me – to show me Her dominance and control over me by dominating and controlling another slave.

i have learned that my place as Her collared, chaste, sissy slave is to be there when She wants me and to accept that She has other collared, chaste or submissive slaves available to Her that i must accept as Her slaveboy.

Trials and Tribulations of a chastity slave – #33

Sunday, 05 December 2021 20:53
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The Emergence of a Sissy Slut – by slaveboy jaime

i have long believed in the Supremacy of Women, so becoming a submissive to Mistress Ayn was not a surprise to me, however the depth of that commitment does pleasantly shock me.  i do not know how deep inside of me was the desire to also become a sissy slut, but Mistress Ayn located that and is exploiting it to my amazement and Her (and my) enjoyment.

It is one thing to have Mistress Ayn spend what seems like hours up close and personal with me.  i treasure those times when She carefully and precisely applies makeup and transforms me into the sissy She desires.  Then a variety of Mistresses and Goddesses enjoy the task of selecting what i am to wear – sometimes silly and other times quite elegant (as my “bride’s outfit” for the collaring ceremony at the FemDom Mansion) – in order to serve Them at dinner or be the perfect hostess at a cocktail party or perform as a Burlesque dancer.

Yet, recently, there has been a major transformation in my “sissyhood.”  i am now purchasing a new sissy wardrobe for myself to wear privately around my house or upon command for Zoom sessions with Mistress Ayn – not only on display at the FemDom Mansion.  With guidance from Mistress Ayn, i search websites for that perfectly sissified pair of stockings, or garter belt, or corset, or bedtime wear, or French maid’s outfit.

When i wear these clothes i feel my “sissy-self” emerging.  i feel more in touch with “my feminine side,” a cliché but true.  i feel complete in having this part of my personality emerge.  i feel sexy, yet submissive.  And, the corsets, it is like someone is hugging me with the soft texture of the material but the firmly embracing me through the tightly laced ribbons securely tied.

This is all still quite new for me but i am treasuring what i am now experiencing.  It is good to find a new and comfortable side of my personality and even more exhilarating that it seems to please my Mistress.

i often wondered if She dressed me up – once as Mistress Ayn’s Mini-Me for a Halloween party at the FemDom Mansion – because She liked it, which is sufficient for me.  But, now i am thinking that Mistress Ayn saw this part of me way-down, deep inside my psyche and has helped bring it out so i can enjoy it because She cares for me so very much as Her chaste and owned slaveboy.

Trials and tribulations of a chastity slave – #31

Tuesday, 22 June 2021 13:27
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Installment 31 – When a submissive is asked by his Mistress: “What do you think?” – by slaveboy.

In the heat of an intense tease and denial session, Mistress Ayn asked me: “Do you want to cum, slaveboy?”  The obvious, immediate, physically induced, sexually frustrated answer is: “Yes, please, Mistress, please let me cum.”  Yet, deep down inside, at the core of my submissive nature, there is a desire for denial, to be kept from an orgasm by my dominant Mistress.  i crave to be stopped just short of an orgasm and ordered to be locked back into Her chastity cage.

This moment caused me to reflect later – “should a submissive be asked what s/he thinks or wants?”  i am less comfortable with that task for two reasons.

First, as a submissive i often decide incorrectly or too tentatively.  i did not want to be placed in indefinite chastity (i wanted to try chastity but not necessarily indefinitely), or to have my nipples pierced, or be dressed in drag by Mistress Ayn and Her friends, or be chained in the dungeon overnight, or to eat from a dog bowl, or be subjected to painful discipline from a whip or cane, and so many, many more things.  Mistress Ayn jokes about my “hard limit” list, which has disappeared as i have given up control to Mistress Ayn.  These experiences are some of the very best things i have endured, as Mistress Ayn’s owned slaveboy and i treasure them.  When i let go, gave up control, stopped thinking for myself and trusted Mistress Ayn, things became so much better in my life.

Second, as a submissive it is unnatural for me to think – that is a form of control.  i am a slave, Mistress Ayn is my owner.  Her role is to control me, my role is to obey Her.  She uses me for Her pleasure, my primary responsibility is to please Her.  Thinking or exerting any sort of control into O/our relationship often ends up with me in trouble.  Thinking is not what She needs from me nor what i am particularly good at as Her slave.  Listening to my Mistress and fulfilling Her commands is my role as Her owned slaveboy.  Over time, as i become more obedient and sensitive to Her wishes, i become a better owned and chaste slaveboy and Mistress Ayn is pleased with me.

However, a Mistress should ask Her slave anything She wants.  She does not and likely will not do what the slave asks for, but She may be interested in knowing what the slave is thinking.  And, i have learned that the best response is – Whatever pleases you, Mistress Ayn.  That truly has become what i am thinking and what i want the most.

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