Installment #27: Then: a session with a mistress … Now: session with Mistress Ayn – written by slave boy
For many years i would troll the Internet looking for a mistress to serve when visiting a city. Once located and receiving permission to visit, i would create a detailed plan of what i was looking for, into, and wanted – an excellent way to maintain control over the session. There would be a requirement for the mistress to be clad in leather, and agree to subject me to bondage, humiliation, nipple play, moderate CBT, moderate spanking, tease and denial, and perhaps something new. i would leave the session, as insisted, frustrated without an orgasm, only to return to my hotel room, reflect on the session, and jerk off – maybe twice.
Now my life as a submissive has changed. Now an upcoming session with Mistress Ayn is completely in Her hands. She has total control; i have none and do not want any. At the core of the relationship is trust and my only expectation is to please my Mistress, however She wishes. Gone are my demanded on how i might control the session. Gone are my so-called hard limits, for Mistress Ayn knows what I can tolerate, more than i do. She knows how to hurt me without harming me. Gone are my pre-session expectations as i attempt to control the session and achieve my satisfaction. i am completely in the hands of Mistress Ayn.
Now i have experienced things i truly have desired but was too fearful to request, as well as things i never knew to ask for. i have learned to accept things i previously would not tolerate but accept them now since they please Mistress Ayn. i leave a session with Mistress Ayn a bit bewildered by what just happened, excited by the new experiences, craving for more slave training, and with a peacefulness knowing that i have served and pleased my Mistress as best i can.
The “now” is definitely better than the “then.”